May 4, 2012

Friday, May 4, 2012


Hey-o! It's Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday! I'm in an excellent mood. I'm working a half day and have a weekend of Texas Hill Country river greatness ahead of me. Be jealous. In the meantime, newsy nuggets ...

1. Kids are drinking hand sanitizer. Yep, that's true. Teen drinking is down but the hot new thing is slamming on some Purell.


Multiple kids have been sent to the ER and even more reports of it have surfaced across California. I guess it makes sense, the stuff is chalked full of alcohol, but this makes me ill to even think about. Though it's a tragic trend, it kind of makes me giggle a little bit. I've often wondered what's happening to the immune system of the generation of children who have grown up in a hyper-sanitized world, but never considered this weird side effect. Those crazy kids, what will they think of next? What happened to the good old days of going to the wrong side of town and paying some bum to buy you a case of Natty Light? ...but I wouldn't know a thing about that.

2. Kate Moss has been on 32 covers of British Vogue. Is that not ridiculous? She'll be on it for next month:


She looks fabulous. We're talking JUST the British version. Her first was in May 1993. Say what you will about CoKate, but that's a lot of Vogue, y'all. When is she going to start to look bad? I think I'm ready for that day to come.

3. Coming Soon: Titanic 2.0. A billionaire Australian plans to build a near-exact replica of the Titanic ship.


It will be nearly the exact same size but with modern technology and navigation. The business man behind it all said, "It is going to be designed so it won't sink. It will be designed as a modern ship with all the technology to ensure that doesn't happen." Really? That needed to be said? The next one won't be sinking? Specific improvements include a diesel fuel system and enlarged rudder and bow thrusters for improved maneuverability. It's going to be built in China, but have the maiden voyage from England to America some time in 2016. I don't really know, but it seems to me like some things might need to be left in the past... things like giant tragedies where thousands of people become Popsicles in the Atlantic ocean. I feel weird about this.

4. Levi Johnston... yes thats still a thing... has announced his unborn daughter's weirdass name. He knocked up his current girlfriend and told the world he intends to name the little bundle of joy Breeze Beretta Johnston.

(BTW, as far as I'm concerned, his Playgirl photos are the only ones that exist)

Yes, breeze like a gust of wind or cocktail. Yes, Beretta like the gun. The poor little girl will be named after a handgun. On another note, his girflfriend admitted that little Breeze was an accident. About the conception she said, "We were out at the cabin for like, four days, and forgot the birth control." Baby Breeze is really going to have to overcome some stuff when it comes to her genetic shortfalls. Rednecks procreating: bad for humanity, but great for humor.

5. World, meet the JoeyBra:


It's a bra with a pocket for your phone and credit cards. You can dance the night away purse free. Now, at first glance, I'm on board for this concept. I'll frequently get into serious dance breakdown mode and slip my phone in random places in my clothes and it always falls out. But, it's just occurred to me that the phone slot is really in a precarious place for electronics. A. Proximity to armpit is high. B. Boob sweat. Call me gross, but we all know that's a thing. The conditions in that spot are really not ideal for expensive gadgets. Especially if you're partying hard enough to be unable to have a purse. Also, I would doubt it's comfy. Makers of JoeyBra, keep thinking. I think you're close.

6. Kim Kardasian and Kanye West are dating:


I don't know how this meeting of the minds occurred originally, but the union is so absurd to me. The two most famewhoring people on earth have joined forces. Gawd. Supposedly Beyonce doesn't think she's good enough for him. Let's just all brace ourselves for the media circus that will surround every move these two make. Part of me wonders if she's just trying to find another person with a K name that tops the disgustingness of Kris Humphries. UGH.

7. Ok this blows my mind. This motorcyle...


... was lost in the tsunami in Japan in March 2011. Now, a little over a year later, it washed up in WESTERN CANADA. The Harley Davidson traversed the ENTIRE FREAKING PACIFIC OCEAN. In terms of physics, I can't even begin to fathom how this happened. Isn't a motorcycle essentially a giant hunk of steel? Why in the world wouldn't it sink? Seriously, I can't get my head around this. At all.

In a couple short hours I'm headed outta here for a riverside weekend extravaganza! Happy weekend all!

5 comments:

  1. Ew! That Purell thing is nasty. Why not just drink nail polish remover? Kids are so stupid, but I remember taking Mini Thins in high school, so yeah, not the brightest idea. I’m not ok with the Titanic thing either. Just build a new boat like all the other cruise lines. Levi is hot. But gross. Hahah. I hate Kim and Kanye. I’m 100% sure that it’s fake. The tsunami thing is happening here too. Posters are up in all the coastal and people have been warned to look for things like steel beams, boats, furniture, etc. Only 5% will wash up on shore, but they are cataloging everything. A football that landed in Alaska was traced back to a little boy in Japan. Crazy huh? I think it’s so cool.

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  2. I like the Kardashians still (I can't help it!) but I can't stand Kanye..icky!!!!

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  3. The purell stuff is just gross. If you need to get drunk that badly, hang outside of a liquor store. Don't drink hand sanitizer. That stuff burns my nose hairs when I smell it...I can't even imagine ingesting it.
    The bike thing is crazy, and so is Lvei Johnston, but for totally different reasons.
    Kimye....oy vey! :)

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Thanks for the comment! I"m sending you a big cuddly warm bearhug through the interwebs....

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