Jan 28, 2011

Friday, January 28 - Friday Newsflash is hop-tastic!!

Happy Friday! I'm traveling today to TAHOE! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! This trip was planned back in November and I never thought it would ever actually get here! I'm real pumped up, but that's not stoppin' this blog train from rolling into your town! Participate today in my Friday Newsflash blog hop! The details are after the post...Enjoy!

X. Snooki and JWOWW are getting their own show. The spin off gods have finally answered my prayers! The girls will be moving in together and dealing with "real world problems." But, right off the bat, they've mentioned that the girls will be shopping for a $1.5 million home. That's not very "real world" to me. Anyway, as you can imagine, chaos will ensue as the girls try to navigate the tricky and troubling waters of living on their own. Give me a damn break. It irritates me to no end that these two have that much money to spend and are to dumb to figure out how. I'll definitely be watching, though. (Dammit, hoodwinked by the Jersey-ites again!)

X. You could get the plague from sleeping with your pet. According to USA Today, there is a new study that shows if you let your pet in the bed with you, you can get seriously sick. Pet cuddles, kisses and other sweet interactions can transmit serious diseases. The instances are "uncommon, if not rare." Among these diseases is the bubonic plague - yes, that bubonic plague that you're thinking of, the "Black Death" one. Now, I'm all for science warning me about my risky behaviors, but give me a break. The person who did this study has clearly never been a single girl alone in her first home with a new puppy who wont sleep through the night. Now, years later, that puppy (and the girl) can't sleep anywhere else but together. Clearly, they've never been in that position. I think I'll take my chances on the bubonic plague. There are few things I love more than cuddling the prince in the morning between my snoozes. Boo, science.

X. Spanish superbaby has arrived! Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem's Spaniard spawn is in the world now. The little precious tot was born in Los Angeles earlier this week. It's a boy, but no word on a name yet. I don't know why I take such great pleasure in the birth of what's sure to be a nearly perfect child. It's very unlike me. It's something about babies that just does this to me - pure joy. Other famous people stories make me jealous, but when it comes to the babies, I just want to squeal like a girl - especially if they're Latino mega-fetuses.

X. They've "Family Shield"-ed Elton John. A supermarket in Arkansas gave Elton's John's new family the porn treatment:

I'm not real wild about this situation. Actually, it infuriates me. I understand not having some porn star's lady parts in a kid's face, but this is a happy modern family. The shield is to "protect  young shoppers." Isn't it about time that kids learn that there are people out there who might not be just like them? It's crap like this that makes gay teens commit suicide. Not happy. Done with soapbox now...

X. Every state is bad at something. I found this cool graphic:
Trouble seeing it? Click here to see a giant-er one.

The premise is that every state  has some dismal statistic to report. There are explanations here (and they're mega interesting, see Mississippi), but these are a few of my favorites...
  • Utah - most porn usage
  • Washington - most bestiality
  • Ohio - nerdiest state
  • North Dakota - ugliest residents
  • Indiana - least "green" state
  • Louisiana - most Gonorrhea
  • Pennsylvania - most arson
Giggles. What might be even more ridiculous is how few of those states I could identify without their names on the map...FML.

X. Quote of the week:
"I'm trying to look like a virginal punk rock pirate" -- Kesha on her "look"
Wow. Who wrote that line about "virgin pirate"? I need that job. It's pretty fitting for the sweetness that is Ke$ha. The story also says that she spends multiple hours in hair and makeup trying to achieve that look. Have you ever heard those statistics like ,"you will have spent a whole year of your life on the toilet by the time you die."...? Well, I'm curious how much of Ke$ha's life will have been devoted to pirate-izing herself? Sad - but awesome for us.

X. Reportedly, Lady Gaga's new perfume will smell like "blood and semen." What is there even to say about that? I'm grossed out to no end, but of course, I'm extremely curious. What is it about Gaga that makes me want to do weird things - like sniff blood and semen? What makes me giggle is when this fragrance will actually arrive in stores. Will the annoying ladies at Macy's be shoving little blood and semen-scented sticks in your face? Gross, but hilarious.



Thanks for reading guys! Have a wonderful weekend. Try to out fun me this weekend...I dare you! Heart you!
                                                                                         

As for last week,  special thanks so much to Megan, DillyPoo and Marian for playing! All of their blogs are internet magicsparkles, so go check 'em out! Here's how to get hopping away:

1. Become a follower of Poodleism.

2.  Write your own Friday Newsflash post on your blog. It can be about any silly (or serious) thing in the world. Write about something you heard recently, a news story that caught your eye or just an announcement you want to shout from the rooftops! It really can be anything! Even just one thing is great. Also, add this sparkly (not really) button to your post:

Poodleism

3.  Join the link up below. It's open until Sunday at midnight.

4.  Sometime next week (I'm still trying to figure out all the particulars of this part) I'll go pick a favorite and give you a sweet shout out!

Ready, Set Hop:

Thanks jillions.
Jan 27, 2011

Tahoe is TOMORROW!

Good Morning! I'm blogging to you today from a place of complete and total bliss! Tomorrow is my much-anticipated ski trip! Early tomorrow morning, Manfriend, me and some of our closes pals are headed to the great Lake Tahoe to hit the slopes and debaucherize for a few days. I cannot wait. Not only is it going to be a fun new adventure in winter sports, I'm pumped up for a friend vacation. Here are some of the things on my mind today...

I'm really excited to see some snow.
Not only have I never been on a wintery vacation, I've never seen much more than a foot of snow - in my life. I really don't know what to expect. With lots of parts of the country getting slammed with snow storms this week, I kind of want to see what all the fuss is about. In my limited experience with the stuff, I'm not a happy camper if I get cold and wet. I'm going to try to just ignore that and soak it all in!

Packing has stressed me out bigtime.
I'm a bad packer. We know this about me. I always bring too much, and not the stuff I end up wanting when I get to my destination. I just can't seem to ever hit my stride on the whole "travel necessities" thing. This makes my loved ones crazy. I spent alot of time last night carefully choosing outfits, considering my layers for the cold weather and generally hoarding items into my suitcase. I'm going to be honest with you, packing for snow is a whole new ball of wax for me, and I'm learning you need a lot of crap. Great.

I'm excited for a vacay with Manfriend.
At the risk of getting to lovey dovey on you, I'm excited to go on an adventure with my main squeeze. This will be the first place we go together that neither of us have already been to. Additionally, he's promised to be my ski instructor. I feel like this will result in one of two things: more together greatness than ever or me having a total meltdown. I'm really rooting for the first one, but if we know anything about my ability to get stressed, that second one is always on the table. Our third year anniversary will also be upon us during this trip. (WHOA. I hadn't said typed that out loud yet...) Whatever happens, I can't wait.

The whole "ski" part - NERVOUS.
I'm really trying not to think too much about the whole portion of the trip that revolves around me attempting a foreign and dangerous, ice-based sport. All the cards are in place for me to excel. I'm reasonably athletic, I've been busting my hump at bootcamp the last few weeks to prepare, and I can water ski. But the scales are greatly tippped when you consider my clumsiness and propensity to fall down. I trip, fall., stub my toe, drop stuff and break things more than most people. Why? I wish I knew. Now that the trip is here, I'm not doing so great at pushing it out of my mind...I'm nervous as crap about slamming my head on the side of the mountain.

I'm way overdue for quality friend time.
On the trip with me will be some of my most favorite-est BFFs. It's like an insanely good group going. We had a recent unfortunate drop out, but it's still going to be amazing. I'm excited for some extended catching up time with out-of-town friends (and in-town ones) that I don't get to see that often. We're all stuck together for the whole 4 days and it's going to be phenomenal. Gossip, giggles, partying and all-around magicallness will ensue. Can't. freaking wait.

Bears are an actual real thing to worry about.
But really though. We got an email from the guy who owns the house we're renting that they've had issues with bears recently and we should strictly adhere to various bear-avoidance techniques. WHAT THE HELL? I guess I'm not totally shocked, but it's not often that carnivorous predators are something that I need to worry about. I'm worried in advanced (see what I mean here about the neuroticism?) about some drunken boy (Manfriend) trying to attract one to mess with it. This is completely within the realm of possibility. Not only are my best friends going to be there, but his will too, which is usually a recipe for mischief. Bears seem to be no laughing matter.

Despite various worries, I'm so excited it's just stupid. I just have to power thru this day and it will be go time! YES!

Don't forget to come on back tomorrow to get hoppin' for my Friday Newsflash!
Jan 26, 2011

God Bless Texas - and OPI

There is such a thing as nail polish gods. On February 2 (NEXT WEEK), OPI will be releasing it's new TEXAS collection!! A sweet friend (thanks, Molly!) turned me on to this magical news, and I'm psyched!


The OPI geniuses have broken into my brain (again) and coupled one of my all-time favorite pass times with my all-time favorite place - home, sweet home. Here's a look at all the colors (sorry for the kind of crappy photo quality):


San Tan-tonio – The Perfect Honey Tan
Y’all Come Back Ya Hear? – Texan Tangerine
Guy Meets Gal-veston – “Engaging” Coral
Big Hair… Big Nails - Rosy Blush
I Vant To Be A-Lone Star - Starry Silver-Blue
It’s Totally Fort Worth It – Shimmering Lavender Grey
Austin-tatious Turquoise – Bodacious Blue Green
Don’t Mess With OPI - Lean, mean kick-grass Green
Too Hot Pink to Hold ‘Em - A hot pink winning hand
Do You Think I’m Tex-y – A ‘berry’ sexy shade
Houston We Have A Purple - Galactic violet
Suzi Loves Cowboys
– Rich campfire chocolate

At first glance, I'll definitely be picking up It's Totally Fort Worth It and San Tan-tonio. They aren't my favorite in the collection, but they're the only ones that I don't already have something similar. (Manfriend is cringing reading that.) Is that wrong?

On another, unrelated manicure note, tomorrow I've made myself an appointment to get am Axxium Gel Lacquer manicure.
It's a cross between a traditional manicure and acrylic nails. It's not tips of any sort, just a polish treatment that allegedly lasts super long (my dream come true) - 2 weeks and beyond! This is a bigtime treat for me. As much as I love colorful nail polish I almost NEVER get manicures, mostly because of the expense, but also because it infuriates me when I screw up a nail job that I've paid someone to do. So, in preparation for my upcoming vacation (2. freaking. days.), I'm treating myself so I won't have to drag along my fancy nails supplies. I'm worried I'm going to like it too much. Have any of you tried it out? Any thoughts/reviews?

Thanks for stickin' with me through this nail color odyssey. Try not to judge me, I think about crap like this all the time. And believe me, this is news.

PS: Don't forget to come back for Friday's Newsflash blog hop! Still shootin' for five sweet participants! 

Happy Australia Day!

It's Australia Day friends! Today marks the anniversary of the arrival of the first British fleet to the continent in 1788. One of my best friends ever in life studied abroad there, so I sort of have a love/hate relationship with Australia because I missed her so much. But, I really want to visit there. I don't really know much about the place...


These are my two favorite things about the country (that I know of):

Sexy Men
Eric Bana: Hawt

 
Heath Ledger: something to look forward to seeing in heaven

Hugh Jackman = the only reason to ever, ever watch X-Men

Uggs
Yes, I'm aware that they're supremely out of style. But, they're the perfect cozy winter dog-walking shoe.

The only thing that I know that I dislike:

 Vegemite
Sicknasty. Vegemite is seriously one of the more repugnant things I've ever consumed. 

So, from what I know so far, this is definitely a country I've got to check out! Clearly I need to learn more. :) Happy Australia Day!
Jan 25, 2011

Razzies and Oscars announced!

This week both the Oscar and Razzie nominees came out! If you weren't aware, the Razzies are the worst of movies for the year. We all know the Oscars are the best. Interestingly, last year Sandra Bullock won one of each! Here's the full list of nominees for both:

Best Picture:
I'll say I'm still DYING to see The King's Speech. I've heard its fabulous. So, know that it's still on my to-do list.  As of now, I think my pick has to be Black Swan.
  • Black Swan - Total mindF...in a good way
  • The Fighter
  • Inception - I might not have been smart enough for this one, but it's super.
  • The Kids Are All Right - Hilarious, but emotional. It's a Modern Family in R-rated drama form.
  • The King's Speech
  • 127 Hours
  • The Social Network - Pretty good, but I don't think it beats all these.
  • Toy Story 3
  • True Grit
  • Winter's Bone
Worst Picture:
Twilight? Really? I'm honestly to biased to make a pick on this one.
  • The Bounty Hunter - This one was apparently pretty terrible. I've been done with Jennifer Aniston for years (as a serious actress), so I'm glad I didn't waste my time.
  • The Last Airbender
  • Sex and the City 2 - It hurts me to say it, but yes, it was awful.
  • Twilight: Eclipse - SHUT THE EFF UP, whoever you are that voted for this.
  • Vampires Suck - Agree, Twilight parody doesn't sit well with this Twi-hard.
Best Actor:
Without seeing True Grit or The King's Speech I can't make a choice. Javier Bardem wins in my book on hotness alone.
  • Javier Bardem, Biutiful
  • Jeff Bridges, True Grit - I really want to see this, the Dude pretty much always gets my vote.
  • Jesse Eisenberg, The Social Network - Good, but didn't blow me away.
  • Colin Firth, The King's Speech - I have a feeling he's going to win.
  • James Franco, 127 Hours
Worst Actor:
Ashton Kutcher is really still trying to be an actor? Oh, and my sweet RPatz is a film god, I don't care what anyone says.
  • Jack Black, Gulliver's Travels
  • Gerard Butler, The Bounty Hunter
  • Ashton Kutcher, Killers AND Valentine's Day - Agree. Reality TV and endorsements are the only thing I approve him to be on camera for.
  • Taylor Lautner, Twilight: Eclipse - He's strictly a muscles man. We all know that.
  • Robert Pattinson, Twilight: Eclipse - Oh, come on.
Best Actress:
Hands down, Natalie Portman. She's also pregnant. 2011 is going to be her year.
  • Annette Benning, The Kids are Alright - Really good, but no swan queen.
  • Nicole Kidman, The Rabbit Hole
  • Jennifer Lawrence, Winter's Bone
  • Natalie Portman, Black Swan - Awesome. I think she deserves it more than the film.
  • Michelle Williams, Blue Valentine
Worst Actress:
Now here' s some fierce competition. They're all terrible. It's 5-way tie for the most terrible. 
  • Jennifer Aniston, The Bounty Hunter AND The Switch - You know how I feel.
  • Miley Cyrus, The Last Song - Thank god someone finally agrees that this snaggletooth country bumkin shouldn't be on the big screen.
  • The Four "Gal Pals", Sex and the City 2 - Sad.
  • Megan Fox, Jonah Hex - With a face and body like hers, how can she possibly also be talented?
  • Kristen Stewart, Twilight: Eclipse - Amen.
Anyway, it's awards season! This brings out the worst in me usually (see: copious trash talk in this very post). I'm going to try to be more positive for Awards Season 2011 - we'll see how that goes. :)

Top 2 Tuesday - Healthy Recipes and Snacks!

Heyo! Happy Tuesday friends! It's another Top 2 Tuesday over at the Undomestic Momma and I love her topic (again). Today's theme is favorite healthy recipes and snacks! I like this one - alot. I'm constantly trying to eat healthy. I fight a daily war with my inner cheese and chocolate-loving beast. But really, come 3 pm and 10 pm every single day, I crave the chocolately cheesiness. It's a problem. So, I'm working on getting myself out of the habit. Despite, the inner beast I've just described, I really am a pretty healthy eater. These are a couple of my favorite go-tos:

1. Turkey Tacos
I love mexican delights. But, when I'm at home (without the margarita and queso demons found at restaurants) I love to make these. Here are the ingredients:

Extra lean ground turkey (get the extra lean, the regular lean has the fatty skins included)
Whole weat tortillas
Avocado
Skim cheese (sargento has the  best skinny cheeses - trust me)
Tomato
Onion
Lettuce
Red Pepper

Brown the turkey, chop up the veggies and throw together your taco treats -that's it! Now, I know there's cheese, but I just can't not have it. This also makes a pretty amazeballs taco salad if you're so inclined. If I'm feeling completely wacky, I'll have some brown rice on the side, but really I'd rather just have more space in my tum for taco.

2. Greek Yogurt
This is an everyday staple for me. My mid-morning snack (I'm trying to adhere to this 5 small meals/snacks per day plan) is typically  a yogurt. The Greek ones are extremely high in protein, low fat, and help curb my dairy craving. IF you get the plain, it's almost no sugar, but I have to dress it up with fruit or Splenda. If you don't get the plain (which is a little tart), watch out for the sugar content in the flavored. My favorite is the various FAGE flavors (above) because of their high amount of creaminess and acceptable sugar content. In general, FAGE is the best brand I think.

I could go on about this forever. Comment if you're interested in more tips. This girl wasn't blessed with a favorable metabolism, and have pretty  much been "dieting" since 2003. Yay for skinniness! Hopefully things will pay off in the next couple of days - I've just remembered that I need to get into a swimsuit this weekend - ACK!
Jan 24, 2011

Spotted: One Poodleist glued to her couch in complete awe

Yes, yes, its true. Tonight, GOSSIP GIRL IS BACK! This pretty much describes exactly how I feel:

When we left, our friends on the Upper Eastside were in complete disarray (of course)...

Serena can't choose a man.

Juliet's psycho-ness is finally explained.

Lily is in the dog house with pretty much everyone.

Little J has been banished back to "upstate"

Chuck is hunting down the cray-cray that is Jack Bass.

Dan and Nate are in a serious bromance.

So, pretty much all is in order with the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite. One thing I'm grateful for is the possible permanent exit of Little J. I found this convenient graphic to depict her downward spiral:

 It's like her eyeshadow is visible slut-o-meter right on her face. It might just be...

Anyway, I'm stinking excited. What a perfect way to get my week rolling right. Will you be watching?
Jan 21, 2011

Friday, January 21, 2010 (let's get hoppin')

Good Morning and Happy Friday lovely friends! This week has absolutely dragged by. It feels like it's been a 26-day work week. It's been sort of a downer of a week, and this morning (of course) I woke up with a total allergy explosion. But, I'm trying not to let that keep me down today. It's Friday, after all. My mom and some best friends are in town this weekend and I'm psyched to visit with them all. Also, I have copious ski trip-related errands to tackle....my trip is ONE WEEK FROM TODAY. I'm ecstatic. So, enjoy the Friday Newsflash delights and don't forget to hop!

1. Science might have solved hang overs. SHUT. UP. As a preface, I'm known for being the queen of wicked hangovers. I know what you're thinking (mom), this is not totally related to over-consumption. I really seem to have it worse than most people. So, I was delighted to read that science-y people have determined that coffee and aspirin is the best thing. Jigga what?!?! Apparently the chemically-induced hangover headache can be blocked by this combination. I'm shocked. I've seriously tried everything. I'm wondering if there is a Scientology-based cure. Those crazies seem to have all the answers. I intend to test this new theory out asap, but honestly, I've sort of given up this fight. As a side perk, I have another reason to be addicted to caffeine...

2. Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban have produced more spawn. Wondering when she was pregnant? Me too. My initial thought was that she found some sort of injectible to mask the signs of pregnancy, similar whatever she's found to masks all signs of aging. Nope, they used a surrogate. The baby is named Faith and is completely their biological child. They apparently had problems getting pregnant last time around (I blame the icy robo-face she has), so they needed a loaner womb. Congrats to the happy family!


3.Starbucks now has an even more giant cup size. The new size, called the Trenta, will debut May 3 and is so ridiculously large. Actually, it's even bigger than your stomach. See this handy diagram:
WOW.  The 31-oz cup will debut in a few states, including TEXAS, on Feb 1. This is my favorite display of American gluttony in recent memory. Thank heavens for extremely unhealthy things in extremely unhealthy portions, I almost forgot what country we were in for a sec...On the plus side, hang over conceivably become obsolete with these new mega-coffees. Maybe it isn't totally bad.

4.Quotes of the Week (beware, they're both seksi ones):

"Khloe's not small. I'm not small. People see us and are probably like, 'Damn, I wonder how that looks.'" -- Lamar Odom on his wife, the not small Kardashian sister
Nobody is wondering what that looks like. Nobody. Just because it's seemingly a habit in their family to film personal, private sexytime, doesn't mean anyone is wondering. Cocky. Pun intended.

"It's like doing Twister." -- My sweet, sweet Robert Pattinson on filming sex scenes
Jeeze. Like any of us needed another reason to imagine him getting into sexymode. In my mind he's in sexymode at all times. Twister could be ruined for me now (mind reeling at the thought of Twister game with Edward). SWOON.




5. I'm obsessed with this story. A 23-year-old girl. named Carlina,  figured out that she had been kidnapped as an infant! She solved her own kidnapping case! When she was just 19 days old a phony nurse casually carried her out of a Harlem hospital and she was never seen again. Back when it happened, this story was huge. Now, years and yeas later, she turned back up. A girl discovered she was kidnapped as an infant at age 23! She was raised by a woman and grew suspicious when she was old enough to realize the woman used fake names and ID's everywhere they went. Then, five years ago, when Carlina was pregnant, her "mother" refused to give her family medical information and revealed she wasn't her biological mother. For 5 years, Carlina has been searching missing children websites for herself - and it WORKED!! I think this tale is so encouraging and hopeful! Good things do happen. I hope more stolen children find their way home. Thank heavens for the interwebs.

6. Jake Gyllenhaal apparently went on a flirt spree at the Golden Globes. He brought a date that night (some random ex girlfriend), but he flirted up a storm. He was seen showing love to Maria Menounos, Scarlett Johansson, Mila Kunis and Michelle Williams. Now, I know he's fresh off the market, but how are women like me supposed to work in our boring offices when we're reading that mancandy supreme is hungry for prey? While I love juicy-ness like this, I'm starting to really be over his whoring. He'll never be damaged goods, but I'm deterred by how much he seems to get around to high-profile ladies. Meanwhile, Taylor Swift is pouting. Who cares.


7.You can now buy Whisky in a can. I find this totally ridiculous, but also kind of genius. Who doesn't need distilled spirits on the go? I can just imagine this popping up in a Ke$ha video soon. Canned whisky sems like something she might be pretty interested. That Ke$ha, so classy. As for me, if this is real, I'm going to need lots of coffee. 

Go out there and enjoy your weekends! I'm ready to do some recharging and bring my A-game back to work on Monday...this plan is pending debauchery happening this weekend :)
                                                                                         

And now, for the most stellartasticfabulous blog hop you've ever seen...

1. Become a follower of Poodleism.

2.  Write your own Friday Newsflash post on your blog. It can be about any silly (or serious) thing in the world. Write about something you heard recently, a news story that caught your eye or just an announcement you want to shout from the rooftops! It really can be anything! Even just one thing is great. Also, add this sparkly (not really) button to your post:

Poodleism

3.  Join the link up below. It's open until Sunday at midnight.

4.  Sometime next week (I'm still trying to figure out all the particulars of this part) I'll go pick a favorite and give you a sweet shout out!

So, if you're ready, hop away:
Thanks. Love you mucho!
Jan 20, 2011

Pokey on the outside, cuddly on the inside

Dearest blog friends, thanks for the support on yesterday's bitchfest. I appreciate those of you who have sent me texts/emails worried about my condition. I don't know if I was quite prepared for the can of worms I could be opening, but thanks for reaching out to me. It gave me sparkles on the inside. In turn, I'm feeling much perkier today. I'm evaluating ways to lift my mood, and I've settled on my old go-to - BABY ANIMALS.

Today, we're going rogue. No puppies or kitties. These are babies of the slippery/pokey variety that are still precious babies that need internet love. That's kind of how I feel this week...
He's reaching out to hug you. Or me. Or someone. Whoever, there's a lot of love in that little heart. Special shout out to my little nugget sister, who was the first call at the news of my discomfort, and turtles are her personal favorite.

Hedeghog - pokey on the outside, cuddly on the inside. Now that I'm thinking about it, lots of things I like are like this...DJ Pauly D (don't let the razor sharp hair distract you from his sweetness), Gushers, SourPatch kids and, lets just face it, sometimes me. 

Super mini octopus. I can't quite put my finger on it (eh - see what I did there?!?!), but I love this little dude for some reason. It seems like he'd be a good listener.

That's all for now. Thanks again for the sweetness. Also, don't forget to participate in tomorrow's Friday Newsflash blog hop! I'm shooting for a crazy 5 participants, and one could be you! No pressure on your newsflash item, it doesn't even have to be more than one thing! Or, you could even make it up. Heck, I don't care, I just want to make friends.
Jan 19, 2011

My body is rejecting 2011

But for reals though. I cannot seem to hit my stride on this "fresh new beginning" thing.


Even at the risk of writing a bitchfest of a post (which I try to avoid), I've got to share...For some reason, since I got back to work from my holiday hiatus, I just can't get into the swing of things.  I have no real sickness symptoms, but a general inability to get my body in sync with what I'm supposed to be doing. My brain and my body are a square peg and a round hole. It's not really tangible enough to go to the doctor, but tangible enough to be annoying.  Here's a look at what I'm dealing with.
  • I am tired. No, more than just tired, like stupidly, obscenely exhausted. I haven't been dealing with a lack of sleep or increase in debauchery. My normal routine has me dog tired. I can't keep my eyes awake at my desk. I have no idea why. 
  •  As a result of my sleepiness, I've been doing a lot of this:
Caffeine. A lot of caffeine. This gets my body all effed up because (prior to the holiday hiatus) I'd cut WAY back on my caffeine intake. The last two weeks, I've had like 4 5HEs (my slang term for 5 Hour Energy - which is a godsend).  It's a total chemical shock to my system, but I need it to power through the day. I'm a jittery wreck.
  • My stomach is doing weird things. I'm not hungry at the right times and when I do eat there are rumbles. No gastronomical fireworks - just rumbles. Annoying.
  • I'm hot all the time. It constantly feels (and it's the dead of winter) like I'm in a tropical jungle. Or an oven. Or a sauna. The point is, I'm hot.
  • Workouts aren't working. I'm going to bootcamp, but I don't feel challenged and nothing is clicking. It's still tough, but I don't rejuvenated/refreshed at the end of it like I used to. At the end of it I just feel like I want eat pizza and go to bed.
  • Now this afternoon, I'm getting a migraine. Not a full-out brainbuster, but the spotty vision and nausea situation that is typically a pre-curser. I've done a preemptive Excedrine strike. Hopefully it works, but I'm out of patience with this whole thing...
So, not I'm out of ideas and want to set my troubles adrift into the vast ocean of wisdom that is the blog world. Internet, help me. I need a cure for unexplained, non-quantifyable, frustrating as all hell, lethargy and mild physical malaise. Have any of you experienced this before? I'm whining begging...

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