Dec 8, 2011

You're as cuddly as a cactus

I've of course been jamming full-time to Christmas tunes in my car this week. Duh. I was stopped at a light and "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" came on. I've probably heard this song hundreds of times, but am only this year appreciating it's full greatness.

Soundtrack for this post:


(Quick fun fact: the guy that sings this song is the same one that's the voice of Tony the Tiger saying "YOU'RE GREEE-AAAAT!!" Totes can tell.)

Anyway, back to the point.... I'd never sat down and really listened to the words. They're pretty genius. Like really genius. And since we're absorbing English/writing/pneumonic greatness here at Poodleism today, get a load of these. My favorites are in green.

You’re a mean one Mr. Grinch
You really are a heel.
You're as cuddly as a cactus,
And as charming as an eel,
Mr. Grinch!
You're a bad banana,
With a greasy black peel!
You're a monster, Mr. Grinch!
Your heart's an empty hole.
Your brain is full of spiders.
You've got garlic in your soul,
Mr. Grinch!
I wouldn't touch you
With a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole!
You're a vile one, Mr. Grinch!
You have termites in your smile.
You have all the tender sweetness
Of a seasick crocodile,
Mr. Grinch!
Given the choice between the two of you,
I'd take the seasick crocodile!
You're a foul one, Mr. Grinch!
You're a nasty, wasty skunk!
Your heart is full of unwashed socks.
Your soul is full of gunk,
Mr. Grinch!
The three words that best describe you
Are as follows, and I quote,
"Stink, stank, stunk!"
You're a rotter, Mr. Grinch!
You're the king of sinful sots!
Your heart's a dead tomato,
Splotched with moldy, purple spots,
Mr. Grinch!
Your soul is an apalling dump-heap,
Overflowing with the most disgraceful
assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable,
Mangled-up in tangled-up knots!
You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch!
With a nauseous super naus!
You're a crooked jerky jockey,
And you drive a crooked hoss,
Mr. Grinch!
You're a three-decker sauerkraut
and toadstool sandwich,
With arsenic sauce!

I will be using the phrase "your soul is an appalling dump-heap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable" soon. VERY SOON.

I love it. But really, am I the only person who greatly appreciates extremely well-written cultural nuggets? And cultural nuggets having to do with the wretched-ness of a Christmas hater, at that?!

5 comments:

  1. Love the "you're a crooked jerky jockey" part! Hilarious! I love the Grinch!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love the Grinch too! "You have all of the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile!" Too funny.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hahaha! I've never really listened to the lyrics either. Those are really great!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ah, I just love Dr. Seuss! My favorite part is the seasick crocodile part!!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I, too, only truly noticed the greatness of it this year. The cactus part is my favorite.

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for the comment! I"m sending you a big cuddly warm bearhug through the interwebs....

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