Nov 14, 2011

I mace-d myself.

Yes, really. THAT. HAPPENED.

I accidentally pepper sprayed myself.

TOTAL TARD MOVE.

Here's the story: Roommate (who's the BEST) picked up some mace for us after the scary rapist invasion in our neighborhood last week. Last night, we decided to crack those babies open and get acquainted with our new protection. The directions to mine instructed that I go outside and to a test shoot. Clearly, after a gemonade (gin + lemonade) I thought this was the perfect time. (Dumb.) I went into the backyard and fired away. Worked out like a charm.

I placed the mace in my nightstand and went about my business. A minute or so later, I wiped my CLOSED EYELID with the back of my hand.

Burning.

Fire.

Pain.

Extreme redness.

More burning.

Lots more burning.

These are the directions for "decontamination":

Yes, the button holding it to our kitchen bulletin board says "Take Off Your Pants" Duh.

Note step #3. Verbally Reassure Subject? Are you effing kidding me?

After truly "copious" amounts of clean running water, all was resolved. Roommate was great about the verbal reassurance and periodical checks.....NOT. She found this hilarious and was semi-paralyzed in laughter. Can't blame her. I'm a real idiot sometimes.

Anyway, the take home point: MACE IS REAL. Don't get it in your eye, even kind of. 

4 comments:

  1. OMG seriously... verbally reassure?!?! I just LOLed. Sorry about your less than pleasurable experience with the mace. I guess at least you know it works.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hahaha, this is hilarious! I probably would've been laughing with your roomie because I've never seen someone mace themselves! I am sorry about your burning and whatnot though ;)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh that is quite awful...

    Good thing you survived to warn us all:)

    Have a nice day!

    Love your previous post.

    ReplyDelete
  4. OMG! That’s awful! I hate to admit it, but I’d probably be like your friend in that situation. We had a house party in college and my roommate decided he didn’t want people in his room anymore so he sprayed pepper spray. The entire house started coughing and choking and we all, at least 60 people, ended up in the front yard. It was horrible!

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for the comment! I"m sending you a big cuddly warm bearhug through the interwebs....

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