Aug 3, 2011

Swedish: 0, Casey: 1

I've been on a quest for a desk in my new home. The decision was made that I need one that fits into the corner. Of course, Craigslist had very slim pickings, and all of them looked like they were covered in germs and AIDS. I had hoped to avoid the thunderdome for this, but I couldn't. Budget required I make a trek out to the thunderdome. What's "the thunderdome", you ask? Why of course it's the hellhole paradise of Swedish glory that is...

They had a desk that's was perfect for me. It fits in the corner. It kind of matches. I CAN AFFORD IT. So, I drove out to BFE to get the thing (and obviously walked out with tons of other crap I *needed*). 

(Tip: don't go to the thunderdome without a man. You might drop a heavy box you can't lift on your toe and parts will explode out of it all over the parking lot. You might cry alone in front of the Swedish. You might, just word to the wise. But, I wouldn't know about that from experience or anything.)

As you all know, "some" assembly is required on thunderdome purchases. Obviously, the item I chose came in no less than 275 parts. That's not an exaggeration, or at least not a huge one. I readied the pink toolkit and got started:

Excuse the sickass carpet, I rent and I think that's someone else's stank..rectifying that is headed to the top of the list pronto

(Tip: girly tools work better.)

The instruction booklet had this many pages:


So I get the desk made, there were some snafus, of course, but it worked out ok. Honestly, I'm proud of my focus and determination on this desk. But, it wasn't quick without an electric screwdriver. 

(Tip: use mechanized devices whenever possible. I believe in this in many areas of my life.) 

So, the real chaos comes when i get to the accompanying file cabinet....

This is the item I bought:
This is the instruction booklet that arrived.

Notice anything different? Go ahead, look back. One item isn't like the other. There are different drawers. Slightly different, but just different enough to make the whole endeavor TOTAL CHAOS. I obviously didn't notice that I had the incorrect instructions until I got toward the end and things were just not adding up. Tears and expletives. This is sort of the feeling:

But really, somehow the extra parts, lack of parts and general f-ed up-ness of the situation was precisely the thing to send me into full meltdown mode. I have never constructed a more symphonic and perfect string of curse words in my life -- and that's a statement coming from someone with a sailor mouth like myself. I even got on the phone and raised my voice to the Swedish. 

(Tip: If you want to yell at a Swedish person, don't call Ikea customer service. Indians run it.)

The genius Indian/Swede sent me to the website where you can download all of the instruction manuals your little heart desires. I dont' know why I didn't think of this. I'm sure I seemed like such a woman, not even thinking to take to the magic Google for help. That's how out of sorts I was, I forgot about the internet.

(Tip: Take pride in the fact that our countrymen make things like Google, not desks that fit in oddly tiny boxes. Damn Swedes.)

When all was said and done, I finished the thing. Even though there was yelling, Swede racism, tears and a blister from screwdriving (that's what she said...giggle), I'm proud of the result:

It's working out great for my new home office. On top of the desk being in my room, I think I learned some stuff about myself. First and foremost, next time there should be wine involved with this whole process. Secondly, blame the Swedes. 

Also, underneath it is the Prince's favorite new spot, which makes it a little worth it.

Have you ever had Swede/thunderdome related failure? Tell me you have. Please.


  1. Oh, when I first moved out on my own, my mom and I went to IKEA for my furniture and it was a CHORE putting that crap together.
    I also bought a nice looking bookcase once, put the whole thing together, only to realize that I put the brace shelf in backwards. Guess who got to UN-make and then RE-make that bad boy a second time? So, you are not alone. Trust :)

  2. My husband and I bought ALL IKEA furniture for our new apartment. Let me tell you, building furniture according to those instructions is a test of your 10-day old marriage haha!

  3. I had a shitfit trying to help my roommate put together our dining room table. Silly Swedes.

  4. Your desk looks great -- just the right size! [That's what SHE said.] I hate putting IKEA stuff together -- that job is given to BF, even htough I prob could do it [but I have no pink tools!].

    BF & I fight when we go to IKEA. Like almost every time. And we rarely argue. I swear that place brings out the worst in us both.

  5. Despite the work it took to get that desk together, it looks really good! I want a little desk for a corner, but I'm not sure I have the patience to put all of those little pieces together!!

  6. Hilarious post! It all looks so great.

    I once went to Ikea when I was 7 months pregnant. BAD IDEA! No one was there to help me load giant, heavy bookshelves. And the Ikea people were conveniently nowhere to be found. I’ve never had to put anything together, but when my husband does he makes me leave the room because he needs complete silence and he doesn’t come out for an hour.

  7. LOL. I loved this. Especially your girly tools.

    OMG Ikea assembly is freaking ridiculous but I'm glad you conquered it! You show the swedish man who's boss!! It looks great, too.


Thanks for the comment! I"m sending you a big cuddly warm bearhug through the interwebs....



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