Jun 3, 2011

Friday June 3, 2011

Hey gang! Happy Friday! I'm feeling great about this weekend, I'm headed out of town for partying with some favorite friends and hopefully making a little headway on the whole "getting my life together" thing. I can't stinking wait! Without further adieu....it's NEWSFLASH time!!!

1. They changed the food pyramid! Michelle "Awesomesauce" Obama is behind this. She has been lobbying to change the pyramid we all grew up learning to a healther, more fruit- and vegetable-rich visual representation. And she got it! This is the new model, "My Plate":

I'm all for this. Reducing grains/carbs needed to happen. (Is that just the person in me who desperately wants to be skinny talking?) While I do really like this change, I really can't think of much besides pie when I see this. It is a damn pie chart, right? Where does pie fit in? Can I have pie right now? Where's the closest pie?...sorry, distracted already.

2. Quote of the Week:
"He’s got the wonderful balance of being an extraordinary, great, loving father, a very, very intelligent man and physically he’s a real man," she says, blushing slightly, "in all things that it means."  -- Angelina Jolie re: her main man, Brad Pitt
Just what the rest of us normal, curvy, boring people want to hear, her husband is a manly dreamboat who's also "extraordinary." Like we all didn't know Brad Pitt is a catch...and that he is probably packing some heat. I'm ready for a tale about a normal girl without a multi-colored army of children getting the good guy....

3. World, meet the booty pillow. This is a real thing:

It's a pillow designed to simulate falling asleep with your face on someone's butt cheeks. For authenticity sake, it comes with a thong on it. That makes it all better, right? Id say between myself and gaggle of modern women in my friend circle, I've NEVER heard of an on-the-butt sleeper. Have you? This is weird, but I guess diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks. If that's you thing, buy one here. If you buy one, promptly stop reading this blog. I won't ever write anything bizarre enough for you.

4. Snooki rammed into an Italian cop car. As we all know, the Jersey Shore cast is busy filming their guido fest in real life Italy. While there, Snooki recently smashed a car into a police car in Florence. She was completely sober -- weird. She was fine, but 2 officers had to go to the hospital. They're taking away her Italian license. That's probably for the best. It blows my mind that they'd even let those crazy kids drive around their country in the first place. I think the joke is kind of on Italy in this case. Either way, I'll be faithfully watching the season and can't wait for this melee. There's something about the Jersey shore that makes me feel better about my class, intelligence and general poise...so I never miss it.

5. Toddlers and Tiaras is BACK!!! A favorite guilty pleasure of mine returns soon - June 15. Here's a quick, and COMPLETELY ABSURD preview:

Eden Wood is back. And so is that little devil McKenzie (get caught up on her awesomeness here and here). McKenzie is good TV. I don't like to analyze my love of watching toddler meltdowns too much, but I seriously can't get enough T&T.  It's also great birth control. LOVE.

6. You can now order PUPPY BOUQUETS!!!!!!!!!!

Hi, it's like someone broke into my brain and stole this idea. I love puppies and I love bouquets, so really I just hadn't thought of this yet, but it has to be my future idea, right? I don't know why this is just now coming to be. I want one now. Here is the only place that seems to sell them. Loved ones, get on it.

7. What the hell is this?

Well we know it's Lady Gaga, and we know it appeared in May's Harper's Bazaar. And that's about all we know. What's up with the multi-boobs? And the pointy cheeks (which supposedly come out when she's "inspired")? And the scary laser eyeballs? I guess nothing about Gaga should shock me anymore, but just when I think I'm numb to her charisma, she pulls out a multi-boob on me. She of all people, as someone in constant costume, must appreciate how much work 5 boobs would be. (P.S. an odd number of boobs makes it way, way weirder, right?) Hell, 5 boobs may just be the ultimate man magnet. Maybe she has it all right....

Thanks for reading! I love you, blog friends. (And real friends too, but I tell you that in the real world). Got anything good going on for your weekend?

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