Mar 18, 2011

Friday, March 18, 2011


Happy Friday friends! I've been in serious blog struggle mode this week, but don't worry, it's NEWSFLASH time!!!!!!!!!!! I'm glad to feel back in the swing of things. This week was chalked full of interesting finds:

1. Meet a $1.5 million dog. This week a Chinese coal baron (that's code for uber-rich guy) bought this Tibetan Mastiff for shizloads of money.


The pup is named Big Splash, or "Hong Dong" (giggle) in Chinese. He's 11 months old and already weights 180 lbs. WHOA.  These status symbol pets are prized for being a "pure Chinese breed." They've served as guard dogs for Chinese monasteries for centuries. Reportedly, Genghis Khan and Lord Buddha owned them. Now its apparently a thing hip rich people do too. I did a major gulp when I paid a couple hundred for a poodle baby with murky genetics....I even tried to haggle the lady (which didn't work).  Even more impressive is that he's a  perfect candidate for breeding, but one dose of his magic juices costs around $1,500. Wow, that's magical.

2. The moon will be extra bright this weekend. Tomorrow night there will be a "pedigree moon," which hasn't happened in almost 20 years!  A pedigree moon is a full moon that's extra close. It's far rarer than a "blue moon," which seems to be the sexiest, most-talked about type of moon. The moon will be 31,000 miles closer than the average night. It will appear 14% larger and 30% brighter than normal! Hot damn, y'all! You probably won't be able to miss it, but take a look. It won't be back until 2029. I'll be 43 then. (I'm curious what future me will be doing....) Anyway, I feel its my duty to report on astronomical wonders.

3. Suri Cruise gets penis gummies. Earlier this week Katie Holmes stepped out to grab a quick treat with her little precious Suri. Katie brought the tot, age 4, to Serendipity 3 (YUM) well after midnight. Then, while waiting on a table (They waited?!?!) Suri munched on some tasty phallic snacks:

We've said it before, but lets just go there again...this kid has the most ridiculous life ever. Not only is she getting a nightcap, she's slurping on bachelorette party treats while she does it. She also wears heels. And Joey Potter is her mom And she's the poster baby for her own alien religion. She honestly blows everything I know about childhood out of the water. So. jealous. of. her. life.

4. An insane woman shoved tons of drugs into her lady parts. So this woman, 27 years old, crashed her car. At the scene of the crash, police searched her and found: 54 bags of heroin, 31 empty bags used to package heroin, and eight prescription pills and $51.22 in cash and change. All of this was in her vagina. HOLY BALLS. I've always felt strongly that the human female body is a wondrous biological machine, but this takes it to a new level. I'm amazed that all that business fit in there. Is it wrong to be curious what that felt like? The whole thing is pretty shocking, but I can't get my mind off the change. I frequently find myself annoyed at the jingling pennies at the bottom of my purse and want to dump them on the floor. Now, I have an alternative.....just kidding.  While this couldn't be safe, I do admire her commitment to keeping up with all the items.

5. Kate Middleton's sexy prince-snagging dress has been sold for over $125,000!! The super sexy transparent frock that the future princess donned in 2002 sold at auction this week for a sick amount of money. Reportedly, this sexy little number is when she first caught the eye of her beautiful prince:
The designer, Charlotte Todd, has said that the dress was intended to be a skirt, but Kate decided it was better as a dress. It's also been just shoved in her closet for 9 years. Honestly, I don't particularly care for the dress, but you gotta give her some snaps for really committing to the whole "I gotta get me a prince husband" thing so much. The buyer wasn't identified...I hope the proceeds go to something good.

6. A British 5-year old is the best sandbox mate ever. The girl, Emily Baldry, was digging around at a water park (in their country that means group of ponds/lakes) with a plastic beach shovel when she found a 160 million-year-old fossil! She found the thing totally by accident, and only noticed because she suddenly dug into a hard, rock-like thing. Turns out, the fossil is a  16-inch, 130-lb Rieneckia ammonite. That's an ancient shelled sea creature. The area is believed to have been a warm, shallow sea during the Jurassic era, but this is still a freakish find. Call me a pessimist, but I hope this little girl didn't just peak in life. She might have. I'd take it though. Between this little lady and that poptart Suri Cruise, it seems like a pretty good gig being a little girl these days.

Despite these giggly things, let's get serious for a sec. Please give all your most encouraging thoughts/wishes/prayers to the crazy that's happening in Japan. You could even give some money, here. It looks so terrifying over there. I can't even imagine.

Well, I'm headed into my weekend with some great things on the horizon: girls' night tonight, then off to Houston tomorrow to shower a close bride friend in gifts. It's a wedding shower. I'm getting good at these. I cannot wait until it's my day to have a party where all we do is give me stuff...Enjoy your weekends, loves!

3 comments:

Thanks for the comment! I"m sending you a big cuddly warm bearhug through the interwebs....

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