This is a let down because rumors previously swirled that the song could've been about Mick Jagger, Warren Beatty or James Taylor. Those are all far sexier to me. Big let down. Wish I didn't know. She should've never told. Headline should have read..."Washed up singer reveals massive disappointment thereby letting her only remaining relevance slip away." Might be a bit long, but that sums things up in my book. 4. Michael Kors has a weird bellybutton. I've seriously never seen one like that. It's the ultimate outtie. For a fashion diva like him I'm shocked he hasn't gotten some sort of work done on that thing. Mad props to him for just owning it. Tim Gunn would probably tell him to "go up to the work room and clean up his space" for that strange thing. 5. Tiger Woods has been featured in a giggle-icious PETA ad. The ad (below) is part of a campaign designed to encourage people to spay/neuter their pets and thus avoid unwanted baby animals ending up in euthenizing shelters. His legal people have since demanded that it not be used, and rightfully so, but in the meantime it's around the interwebs for even more people to enjoy than would've seen the proposed billboard. 6. Favorite quote of the week:
"This is going to come as quite a shock to people up here that I can write a book, much less read one." —Former president George W. Bush, who is writing a book, at a reunion of Bush-administration staffersI wonder if he is finally not taking himself seriously or that his handlers/babysitters have given up and just don't care what ridiculousness falls out of his mouth anymore. Bet it's a little bit of both. Like his attitude. I still maintain that if I had to pick any U.S. president to do a beer bong with it would definitely be him.
We are here to review the last year's projects, brush up on policies/procedures/skills and discuss a lot of little company things. Of the 50 employees at my company, around 15 of them live out of town and I had never met before. This was the most exciting part because what I had imagined in my mind for these people was mostly wrong. I got over that excitement real quick.
Today I want to discuss one thing that has really grated my cheese for some time now. I am irritated by business people talking in metaphors and using dumb figures of speech sprinkled into bland topics like rhetorical potpourri. It causes me to understand what's going on less and zone out more. I like my job and the people at it, so this is really more about all businessy people. Here are a couple of doozies from the day:
- Using the term "out of the box" has become so cliche that it really is like the most "in the box" thing you can say. Drives me so stinking crazy. I work at a creative company and they routinely tout our team as "out of the box thinkers," which I guess works on dowdy businessmen, but as the creative thinker myself, makes me want to jump off a cliff.
- I'm so over the economic doomsday situation. Not going to Hawaii is not even the big thing for me. It's using the bad economy as a catchhall for all things sucky. The recession is so 2000 and late.
- "We should have a better plan as we gain more intelligence about the project." What is this, the Pentagon? Why not just say, "I'm waiting for an email with more details"? This is communications consulting, not modern warfare.
- "This synergy is really giving us a boost in energy as we are conquering the task." Using "synergy" and "energy" in a single sentence has almost no value to me, not to mention the embarrassment that such a non-effective piece of information poured from the lips of someone at a communications company. That was the moment that caused me to really power down for the day.
- We got a run-down on sales strategy and news. In reference to re-tooling the company approach in this new digital world we live in, it was said we might need to "build a better mousetrap." Huh? I honestly don't know what that means. So weird. What's the cheese in the trap? Who's the mouse? Why are we trapping them? Is a "trap" really the right way to go about it?
- We also had a discussion about keeping our client list confidential and someone chimed in: "let's not let anyone know what's going on underneath the covers." This is wrought with sexual innuendo, so obviously my mind went wild with whatever could possibly be going on underneath any covers anywhere. Maybe I'm the pervert, but this is exactly the kind of business metaphor speak that is totally inappropriate and makes me crazy. The room kind went quiet as we all imagined what we've done beneath the covers. Weird.
All of these things basically just slow us down. Or at least they slow me down. Corporate talk like this causes my synapses to immediately start firing slower. Its like by brain is wearing a backpack full of bricks and climbing stairs...and only has one leg.
The news became public when they attended the recent BAFTA awards. They arrived and sat through the ceremony seperately, but apparently at the after party they were "all over each other" and left the party together. This week he has said, "It is extremely difficult but we are together, yes." Various other Twi-hards have been blogging/writing that they feel bad that the couple has to go to such great lengths to hide their relationship to avoid the mob scene that would descend on them anywhere they go. I don't feel bad about the situation at all. Mostly because I don't think it will last. He'll realize she sucks soon enough. Mark my words. I'll attempt to deconstruct this sham of a love affair now:
One black mark against their relationship is that R-Patz recently said that he's "allergic to vagina." It may seem as though I've taken this quote horribly out of context, but truly, when with with open-legged models for a recent Details magazine photoshoot, he only expressed distaste for all the hoo-has in his face. Huh? Deal with that Kristen. I don't think they have Zyrtec for vagina allergies. I don't know if she's hypoallergenic or what they're going to about that.
The second pockmark on the face of this love affair (but a tally in the "pro" column of my heart) is that R-Patz also has claimed that "The only emotional connection of relevance is with my dog." Amen to that brother. The prince isn't my only emotional connection of relevance, but it's a biggie. I dare that hypoallergenic K-Stew to break up that love bond. I dare her.
Well, despite my disapproval, looks like the king and queen of teen-dom's love connection is full steam ahead. Boo them. Over them (or I'm going to try to be over them). Miss you Edward, see you June 30...or March 12 when the trailer comes out.
I've self-diagnosed a little bit of Laryngitis going on here. The all-knowing info source (Wikipedia) thinks that it is defined as, "an inflammation of the larynx. It causes hoarse voice or the complete loss of voice because of irritation to the vocal folds." Yep, sounds about right.
What I can't figure out is what could've caused such an acute and pervasive case of said disease. I have done nothing to raise my voice outside of the occasional poodle scolding for as long as I can think of. All day Saturday I couldn't get a freaking squeak out whatsoever. By the end of the day when I saw no improvement, I sort of started to panic that something more serious had happened, like karma finally came around and smited me for every time I've trashtalked or used bad language. Or I was starting to trip out from drinking gallons of herbal tea all day. Luckily, neither of those things were true.
I've gradually been getting better, but slowly. Of course this morning I had to present to a client with my squeaky, teenage boy voice this morning. He was trying to inch his chair further from the germ buffet he thought could be spilling out of me. So professional. Manfriend has been the real gem about it all. He made phone calls for me, ordered my food, talked to salespeople, made my tea, handled the prince....he's the best. Getting sick with him around really isn't so shabby. I'm ready for the symphonic and beautiful voice I normally have to return, but in the meantime, the princess treatment will be just fine. Wonder how long its going to take for him to realize that I can actually make my own tea? Hopefully that never happens.
It's Fashion Week in NYC. Having spent the last couple of days scouring the pictures from all of the shows, I'm going to add Fashion Week to the sizeable list of things that make me want to move to New York. Other items include some of my good pals, real wintertime, delicious snacks, the media center of the universe, celebrity sightings, concerts....but I digress. I do not profess to be any kind of expert, but here are a few of my favorites from the first couple of days:
Marc Jacobs. I always gawk at his items when I stroll into Neiman Marcus (I'm usually just a pass-thru shopper, for me it's like Disneyland in there but I can't ride any of the rides. Damn you misc. communications degree that's keeping me poor.) My favorite thing about his collection was all the fall-ish things: coats, hats, scarves....I think cold weather is on the brain for me as the beautiful snow in the metroplex is burning away just outside the window. I like the shiny one too. Just for the sake of shiny things. Diane Von Furstenburg. Queen of all prints. I usually don't care for printed things, but the queen can make a cocktail dress. ove her. I'd wear this little neon one into the ground. The shiny one caught my eye because it cold actually look good on a human woman's body. Much love for a dress that is fantastic for the skinny minnies and the muffin tops. Zac Posen. Love the fall colors. I usually can't wear the gold/brown/camel-colored fall fabulousness. My already allover-my-body-tan-ish hue makes me look like an actual camel. There have seriously been pictures of me where all you see are green eyes and pink lips. Must avoid outfits like this but wish I didn't have to. Pout. Peter Som. My favorite thing about this collection is the unique and creative little color pops. I like the way seemingly clashing textures and colors are a symphony of fierceness. That is a mantra I may start living by. When times get tough: "I am a miscellaneous symphony of fierceness." Carmen Marc Valvo. Don't know why, just love this one. He's new to me. I plan to research his other works to add to my dream clothes wish list.
Betsey Johnson. In her typical "WTF" style, Ms. Johnson delivered what I've found to be the most bizarre showing. Duh. We have birds on the head, we have Suffragette-era influences, we have man slaves (in their PJ's) holding a unitard-dice cape. And the whole runway is a bed of straw. Can't get enough. I wish I were an artist. Or I'd even settle for just wacky.
Swirling in my brain are dreams of sparkly dresses and beautiful gowns (and tiny hips that I wish I had). I think it's interesting that not a single pants outfit caught my attention. I hate pants, I always have. They make me hot.
I worry that my newfound appreciation for fashion news could turn into a newfound appreciation for actual fashion I own. This is what I said about Poodles...loved them at first, then acquired one, now I have one pricey little BFF (who presently is the love of my life).
I thoroughly enjoyed the entire experience. I had no idea how much history and tradition is behind the whole phenomenon. I love a good cultural experience, especially those that involve parties and shiny necklaces. There was, obviously, no shortage of beads...and none of us even showed our boobs! That could've been because it was so cold that it would've taken 20 minutes to remove all of our clothes to get the boobs out. Improptu flashing wasn't an option. Maybe a good thing. Nonetheless, the French Quarter and Bourbon street were great fun, albeit a little bit dirty (probably just the weekend we were there, I'll hope).
One problem with the bead-catching situation was that it got a little brutal. Some of the beads were really really heavy and came flying really fast. One of our group got clocked in the head really hard and needed to ice her black eye. It was absolute hilarity. Bless her little heart. We also got the opportunity to attend a wonderful little event called the Endymion Ball. I really have never experienced anything like it. The event was a black tie affair (tuxedoes and ball gowns required) held on the floor of the Super Dome. We ate and drank (BYOB and BYO-Food) and then the last parade of the night came through the dome and we did the whole bead-catching thing there too. After the parade, Lynyrd Skynyrd played! That was an awesome experience, but I felt a little weird belting it out to Freebird in my gown. It was really odd to see the wealthy high-society women of New Orleans in their ball gowns towing a rolling cooler full of beer into the party. It reminded me alot of Texas/OU weekend: a little fancy, a little hardcore party. Anyway, a great time was had by all. I've missed my old buddies :)
"He is just like my typical guido juicehead with like a good personality. He's actually a body builder and works at the gym. I am really excited to like show the public who he is. He is freaking banging. We're the sexiest couple I have ever seen in my entire life so I am excited for everybody to see that." —Snooki on her new boyfriend, Emilio Antonio Where to start (and I'm not even going to address "typical guido juicehead")? The best part of this one is the "like a good personality." I'm sure the use of "like" was a careless piece of slang, but I'd like to think it's Snooki's admission that she's only working with a semi-good personality on this guy, which is about all poor lil Snickers can probably get. They may actually be the sexiest couple I've ever seen in my whole life though. "The sex scenes with Uma [Thurman] are kind of disturbing. Her character kind of uses sex as a sort of weapon and my character thinks like an animal. There's a lot of sex scenes in this film, so I'm asking quite a lot of myself, and with lots of different people as well." —Robert Pattinson on his upcoming film Bel Ami Really honestly, how am I supposed to function with the idea of these sex scenes swimming around in my noggin? Damn that ManCandy Edward Cullen and his uncanny ability to haunt/enchant my dreams.
"I'll wear a gunny sack and belt it or a potato sack or trash bag. As long as you belt it, you're fine." —Sandra Bullock on Oscar attire
Isn't that the damn truth? a) Oscar attire can be totes ridiculous and b) a belt can solve even the most dire figure problems. That Sandra Bullock. I think If I were a famous person I'd be a lot like her; honest, an Austinite, dog lover....fabulous.
"I smoke weed all day. I'm a very successful addict. And a smart one. And a very charismatic one." —Lil Wayne
Shocker of the century. One thing I love about rappers is that they really have no filter. Thugged-out athletes from similar backgrounds, with similar couth are so media coached. They never say anything good. Rappers will never disappoint. Especially Weezy.
"She was looking at me almost like a zoo animal. It wasn't like I was her daughter anymore. She was looking at me like I was a circus freak." —Heidi Montag on reuniting with her mother for the first time post-plastic surgery
Duh. I'm mad at myself for being so addicted to the goings on of this "circus freak," but I just can't help myself. Another point for Speidi. “I once dated a guy who was like, ‘Holy shit, I just made out with Harriet the Spy!’ And that's messed up. Don't say that. I was 10, you're 30, it's just weird.” —Michelle Trachtenberg
I've long maintained that Michelle Trachtenberg has been typecast as a sneaky deviant. (Georgina Sparks of Gossip Girl, played by one Michelle Trachtenberg, might be the most underhanded and evil character in the history of television.) Apparently I'm not the only one that thinks so, but it must be a real beating when she's cruising for makeout partners. Don't feel that bad for her though.
- I won’t tolerate any gross plastic shizzzz. (on acceptable accessories...giggle.)
- No Frumpy. (right to the point)
- No satin dresses. No one looks good in satin dresses unless it’s from Betsey Johnson or Dolce & Gabbana, you weigh less than 130 pounds, have three pairs of Spanx on and it’s New Years Eve. (I heartily agree)
- These are life lessons, so read carefully (in reference to her advice on 'hair, makeup and hands')
- Bracelets: No charm anything, we arent 5...unless I say it's beautiful. (So take that!)
Anway, reading over the notes gave me quite the chuckle. The more chuckle-tastic part is this saga is extremely true. For those of you unaware, in former days I was a Delta Gamma at UT. I never ran the show or anything, but I considered myself an active participant. Come the annual rush time, we definitely had rules like this. Although they seem arcane, shallow and ridiculous...they are mostly all grounded in the truth. Believe me, all that stuff got said because it needed to. Some girls needed to learn these little "how to look like a grownup" lessons somewhere.
Upon chatting with a couple of sorority pals about this story, It irritated me that this is the news that always seems to surface about sororities. There are definitely some unflattering elements, but sororities make monsterous charitable contributions every year and teach 18-year-old silver spoon babies that there are valid and important causes out there for you to spend your energies on.
Additionally, I met some of my most cherished buddies in my old DG days. That whole "sisters for life business" is not a phrase I'd ever seriously say out loud, but they're good people. Good people that are going to be some of my BFFs forever. Take a look at the gorgeousness...
There are also a lot of lessons about networking, interviewing skills, morals, etiquette, etc. that I took away from the thing. Yeah, cramming 200 hung over 20 year olds into a room to learn about salad forks may seem dumb, but I'm glad I know it now. It also probably wasn't such a bad thing for me to have a force watching over my grades and behavior during my semi-debaucherous time in Austin, TX
I do not want to get into a "is it shallow or isn't it" conversation, but personally I gleaned a lot of skills and some of my most treasured friends out of the DG house. The hilarity of Elle Woods isn't really that made up, but also really isn't that bad.
1. This week at NBC they offered a racially-insensitive lunch special in the cafeteria to celebrate Black History month. The menu was rife with racial stereotypes. In the last few days, various black people have said they're not offended by it and its just a delicious menu. If this isn't offensive, I think I've been all wrong about racism this whole time....but it does sound tasty.
2. A lot of famous people have shockingly died lately and this week it seems that all at once we are getting some answers this week. Here are the death updates: Michael Jackson's wack-tastic doctor has been charged with manslaughter. Brittany Murphy's death was attributed to "community acquired pneumonia, iron deficiency anemia, and multiple drug intoxication." Duh. ("That was WAY HARSH TYE.") Heiress Casey Johnson's death was due to natural causes, specifically diabetes-related complications. It's sad that "natural causes" didn't even occur to me before, I feel guilty for that.
3. This ad ran in Korea for Good-Nites diapers. It's partly creepy, but mostly hilarious. Made me giggle like a crazy person. David Beckham is one of the sexiest men alive, but I like this mockery of modeling, as some of the photoshoots get a little ridic. Take for example Becks sliding nude either up or down some kind giant ship rope. Whatever, still H-O-T-T.
4. Jennifer Aniston is supposedly perusing the internet for a non-famous boyfriend to serve as arm candy. According to her alleged Craigslist posting, she seeks "wealthy businessman, not a celebrity." I've been over Maniston for a while now, talk about desperate. I can't even get into all the ways she irritates the balls out of me. On the other hand, she shops for boyfriends online. Stars..they're just like US!
5. Louis Vuitton is launching a bag that looks like a trashbag. Huh? I've coveted many of the timeless and beautiful LV bags for years now, but really? The best part of it all is that the price is $2,000! I've been known to be a slave to fashion, but I just can't get behind this one. Put one in the precious hands of Serena Van Der Woodsen and maybe I'll be singing another tune. 6. The last living member of an ancient tribe died last week. Not only was she only surviving member of the Bo tribe, who live on the Andaman Islands in the Indian Ocean, but the last person to speak their language. So not only is the tribe extinct, but a whole language is too. It blows my mind that this single 85-year-old woman was the only key to a whole culture. The tribe is believed to have lived on the islands for over 65,000 years, making them one of the most direct descendants of super ancient peoples. WHOA. This kind of thing fascinates me, its kind of like how I feel about space, the vastness of humanity is just ridiculous sometimes.
7. This is just for fun: I've had my eye on this little hunk of meat for a while now. Kellan Lutz plays on of the Cullen vampires in Twilight. Thats one mark in the Pro column right of the bat. He's a major sexpot and seemingly good guy. I guess the news item here is that I'm officially adding him to my ManCandy radar. I'm desperate to know how you become a muscle mister like the one shown here.
- ► 2013 (81)
- ► 2012 (111)
- ► 2011 (281)
- Friday newsflash!
- This week I'm trapped in (aka a random Hampton Inn...
- R-Patz + K-Stew = SO-DUMB
- WTF happened to Meg Ryan's face?
- Lost my voice....wonder where it's hiding?
- Actual Real Poodle News!
- Am I really that obsessed?
- Fashion week is a fantasyland
- Mardi Gras = Absolute Absurdity
- A real snowman?
- The things that fall out of their mouths....
- Raise your anchor
- Friday newsflash!
- Don't TEAse me about all the purple stuff
- Nugget love.
- Get your booties on...It's COOOOLD out there!
- Manfriend did good.
- ▼ February (17)