Jan 29, 2010

Friday newsflash!

This week I want to keep things light:

1. Kate Moss got gray highlights. What the nuts was she thinking? Voluntary and premature gray highlights is pretty much a coup on everything I know about beauty. She only kept them for one day, thank goodness. If old is the new young, it would take a lot of re-wiring for me to abandon my fears of pear-shapedness, crows-feet and sunspots....but sort of liberating. I'm glad she went back to blonde already. The world feels right again.

2. Taylor Swift, one of my favorite cuties, is rumored to be dating John Mayer. I like both of their music, but a possible Mwift (thats my new celeb compound name for them) relationship confuses me. She's the best, but he is sort of odd and an extreme manwhore. I hope she knows to be careful with what could be a real nasty situation in his pants. Make good choices, Taylor, that's what my mom would say.

3. Jessica Simpson is flatulent. Apparently in a business meeting for one of her various endeavors (sidenote: I hearts J.Simp's shoes mucho), Jessica Simpson farted in front of important people and her mother scolded her. Awkward. This isn't the first time her windiness has come across my radar. Even more awkward. Aside from the actual incident, which was probably humiliating, although hilarious to me, everyone in the media is talking about her farts. I guess I don't feel that bad for her, you know you've made it when the news blows up everytime you pass gas.

4.Gisele and Tom Brady had their undoubtedly beautiful child. She had the baby at home in Boston in her bathtub...on purpose. Home births are a wierd notion to me. Suri Cruise is getting a little too old for me to find that adorable anymore, maybe this will be my new favorite celebuspawn.

5. This past weekend I went to Austin for one of my best best pal's brithdays. It was a rip roarin' good time. We partied like it was 1999 for sure. It turns out I'm still not mature enough to go to 6th Street and have anything to show for myself afterward. My debit card was so mad at me that it stayed at Beauty Bar and pouted (or I may have left it there), so I wrestled with having no way to use currency for 3 days. Probably deserved that. Still a victory of a trip though.

5. The prince is doing AWESOME! The little rascal seems to be back to himself more each day! He hates his poodle jammies, but the cuteness is just can't be ignored. He gets the staples out tomorrow!

Jan 28, 2010

They're all taking crazy pillls...

I admittedly didn't watch the State of the Union address. I chose to go for a run, make dinner with a friend and catch up on Grey's Anatomy. Usually, I'm a relatively civic-minded individual and prioritize this speech, but this year I just couldn't get excited for it. The girly evening was far superior....but I feel guilty for it. I've read the transcript today and watch a highlights reel, so I'll still consider myself current. Always the Obama supporter, I agreed with pretty much everything he said and thought he kept things lighter than past addresses. Win in my book.

Anyway, with politics on the brain, I'm reminded of a couple things lately that've caught my eye:

1. Chris Matthews, famous for foot in mouth syndrome, "forgot Obama was black for an hour" last night during the address. I don't know what else to address that with but a solid "WTF?"

3. Elizabeth Edwards finally left that d-bag husband of hers (Links to an extremely long, but fabulous article about the whole drama). John Edwards, albeit a total scumbag, has provided me with infinite entertainment as I've watched his rise and fall from grace. I feel bad for Elizabeth, his kids (especially the lovechild behind the whole scandal), but I'm a little sad that her dumping him may be the end of the saga. I love political scandal characters, especially when they're Republicans.

2. This guy. Scott Brown. New to the Senate. New to my radar for ridiculousness. New to my wildest dreams. I hope he's the new John Edwards.

4. Sarah and Bristol Palin appeared on Oprah. Not only did Bristol assert that she will become a born-again virgin (is that even real?), but that she now won't have sex until she's married. In addition that that total BS, that Oprah called her out on, Sarah kind of is joking about the whole thing. Awkward. I have a lot of questions. Why are these two still talking about this damn teen-mom thing, isn't that pretty common? Why does Bristol think anyone will marry her ever? Oprah, aren't you better than that? Who's watching both of their infants while they're on Oprah?

5. Cindy McCain switched sides on one of my favorite issues. She's joining the No H8te campaign to help the LBGT community get equal rights. She still looks like the crypt keeper, but I applaud this. I hope she just continues getting more and more liberal, eventually ending with her growing out all the hair on her body and wearing all hemp clothes. I bet John McCain already thinks she's there. Awkward dinner table I bet.

Anyway, I've been loving the political news these days. Sometimes I just get too much Franken-Heidi talk and have to remind myself that I'm intelligent with some current events, but upon further examination, all this political business isn't so different from Franken-Heidi talk and the like. I love famous people of all sorts who are on crazy pills.

Jan 26, 2010

On the Wings of Love

I've never really gotten all the hype about the Bachelor...until now. This season I've coincidentally been on the elliptical each Monday at the precise time to enjoy the circus that is the Bachelor's search for his "one true love." Now I'm totally addicted and have told the DVR to capture them all.

This season's Bachelor, Jake, is an immensely attactive (but rather cliche-looking) pilot from Dallas. Obviously everytime I leave the house I now look for that perfect face around town. No luck yet. Given his aviation career and self-proclaimed "romance with the skies" the season has been titled The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love. With a name like that, how could there be not be fabulousness? I have a couple knocks on Jake. He is so incredibly cheesy. He referenced "following his heart" over 10 times last night and said things like "I have butterflies right now knowing my future wife is in this room" and "you're such an amazing person, but our chemistry is just not what I'm looking for in my soulmate and mother of my children." I find it giggle-tastic, but manfriend (who now has to watch since Monday night football is no more) just cackles in awe at these statements. My other knock on him is that he tears up way too much. Last night he sent 4 girls home when he only was supposed to send 2. Each one cot their own feaux watering eyes. His explanation is that he didn't want to "waste a single second on a lady that isn't my soulmate." Give me a break. I'm all for a man showing his emotions but this is just to far. I won't hold any of this against him because he's smokin' hot. A weakness of mine that has gotten me in trouble in my real life.

And the girls. They're all so ridiculous. All of them are attractive and are a catch by anyone's standards. I don't know why they're all fighting over this person. Clearly I know it's all for T.V., and its worked on me quite well, but I forget that it isn't actually 'reality.' They all get "so jealous" when he takes another one on a date. They BARELY KNOW HIM. And they all say the comment "I'm totally falling for this guy" in their interviews. Give me another damn break. Nonetheless, I just can't get enough. My early prediction of the winner is Tenley. She's sweet as pie, isn't a backstabber and "came to start the journey that will be the next 60 years of her life." If she doesn't win I hope she's at least the next Bachellorette. There is only one left at this point that I despise. Her name is Vienna. She's ugly, vindictive, mean, immature and only wants a T.V. career. She infuriates me. Jake is still drinking the kool-aid for some crazy reason. Note: I am aware that she isn't on trial to be my soulmate, but it feels like it sometimes, I've really invested a lot in this Jake person. Sad.

Update on the Prince: He is alive and kickin'....well sort of. He came out of surgery sucessfully and now has 15 staples in his belly. He's also shaved on his whole underside. Therefore, he can't run/walk/jump/play until Saturday when he gets them out. He has to wear a conehead and little poodle jammies at all times. This has been a challenge to say the least. The official problem with the little guy is that he has mild Inflammatory Bowel Syndrome. This requires a mere change of diet. Man, what an ordeal. He is also now accepting donations to his medical debts. I'm trying to book George Clooney for a telethon. VIVA CHUY!

Jan 20, 2010

The Prince's medical saga continues...

Sorry for the lack of Poodleisms fans, these last few days have been a real trainwreck for me and the Prince. Little Chubacca is my most beloved companion in the world and I love him. As I've referenced and many of you know, the Prince has been facing some medical problems as of late and I'll just catch everyone up in one foul swoop....

Around 3 weeks ago, the poor little guy started a routine where he'd wake up in the middle of the night and barf. At first it was like every 15 minutes all night long. This proved annoying, but not that abnormal for a puppy. They eat weird things and throw up all the time. After a few nights of this recurring I decide to visit the vet. She couldn't find anything wrong with him, and assumed he had gotten into some sort of bacteria and was experiencing some sort of GI infection. Specialty food and medicine was prescribed. $$. The problem seems to come and go, with multiple days without incident throughout. Fast forward another week or so and the problem still persists. He's having the same ongoing vomiting and she still has no idea why. She sends me home with more medicine and more food. $$$.

So now we are to this past weekend. The problem is still going on, but this wave was considerably more severe and sent me into real panic mode. The vet, who at this point I'm really losing my patience for, tells me to come in Monday for x-rays. After she took one inconclusive x-ray ($) she decided she needed a better look and proceeded to order another set ($) and then yet another ($). All the while explaining to me how the next batch would be the ticket. Eventually she comes to the conclusion that there is some foreign object in his tum and he needs surgery asap to remove it. ($$$$$$$$$$) She immediately refers me to a surgery center and the procedure is scheduled for Tuesday morning.

The surgeon agrees that something fishy is going on and they need to cut him open. Yesterday around lunchtime I receive the word that he's made it through surgery fine (Hallelujah!), but they didn't find this ellusive "foreign object." WTF? The surgeon did take a biopsy and will receive the results Friday. She assures me this will be the end of the road for diagnosing the problem but she expects to find that he either has a) Inflammable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) or b) Gastroenteritis. Both of these are very simply treated with medicines and change of diet. While this actually is good news...I'm sent into a complete fury at the thought that a simple chemical imbalance has been to blame all along.

I cannot even begin to explain the anger, frustration, sensation of being taken advantage of, sheer panic at the Prince's delicate post-surgical state and bewilderment I'm feeling. The jury is still technically out, but I don't trust this vet person anymore. This whole incident further confirms my skepticism about veterinary medicine altogether. Its been a long haul. The Prince is in worse shape, I'm not any closer to answers and a lot of $$$s further from a summer vacay.

Manfriend has been a godsend. Bless his patient little heart. It's January 20 and the total emotional meltdown count is too high to keep track of. I think I'm going to pretend like February is New Years. Thanks for all your well wishes...hopefully positive updates to come!

Jan 15, 2010

Friday newsflash!

Here's the second installment of my new weekly newsflash post. I'd hoped to keep it more lighthearted and jovial, but this week I can't seem to think about much other news but Haiti. The horrendous and giant scale of it all just overwhelms me. It's never too late to help out with the relief effort by way of monetary donation.

Conan and Leno are still in a catfight. It could just be because I've never been much into the late night talk show thing, but I just don't get what all the fuss is about. NBC, if you have ratings problems, just take care of business and move on. Whatever happens neither diva seems to be leaving the airwaves anytime soon, so who cares. I think this cartoon pretty much sums up how I feel about the whole thing. (Note, if you can't read it, the bubble says "Will this make you more likely to watch Jay or Conan?")

Casey Johnson, the socialite and heiress tragically died last week. The latest with this story is that her fiance, Tila Tequila, the biggest reality TV famewhore ever, its trying to get custody of Johnsnon's 3-year-old daughter. Jigga what? Why ever in the world would a bi-sexual drunken crazy person who became famous for the sluttiness of her myspace page ever win the battle with Johnson's mega-rich and stable family, not to mention the biological relatives of the child? Ms. Tequila also communicates all of her moves via Tweet because her publicist quit this week. I can't wait to hear what Nancy Grace thinks.

Sarah Palin made her debut on Fox news this week. Sarah Palin and Fox News really work my nerves. (That's actually a huge understatement, in the interest of being "more positive in 2010"). I really can't even list all the things that bother me about her, but she is television gold. Obviously I tuned in to watch her. One point for Fox News.

Jessica Simpson has been romantically linked with Billy Corgan, of Smashing Pumpkins fame. HUH? Last time I checked he was extremely talented and legitimately famous for his contribution to music. Last time I checked, she was in the middle of a weight battle because of some really unfortunate photos in some high-waisted jeans. If she is finally finding love, I support her. But I really do wonder what they talk about? Musical Composition? Phen Phen? Or is this just a boob thing? Hope it becomes a reality show. If you can't tell from the picture, that's her undressing him with her eyes. Or maybe she's spacing out. Who ever knows?

Personal news: The Prince is back in good health and spirits. Halleluja! I intend to investigate pet insurance... Work week has been mind-numbingly slow...Get skinny effort has been slightly de-railed....network television returned to my life, that could be affecting the skinny effort.

Jan 13, 2010

Heart Haiti.

Today the prince and I are sending all of our best vibes to all of the people affected by the terrible earthquake in Haiti. Hundreds of thousands are feared to be dead and even Anderson Cooper found the situation "incredibly shocking" and "eerie." Click here for a list of organizations that could use your help putting back together the pieces down there. Mad props to everyone already working on the relief. I'm counting my blessings watching the story unfold.

So in the midst of one of the most terrible natural disasters in recent memory, People magazine will be running this cover:

The braniac and talented Hills star also said this today:

"They spent years on albums, 'cause they wanted the quality to be so good, and that's really what I did [with my album]." - Heidi Montag, on Michael Jackson and the Beatles
I really have no words. Speidi makes me want to vom. Maybe we should feed her the Haitians who will undoubtedly need all kinds of food and supplies in the coming weeks. I don't have much to give but sympathy and well wishes, and I'll be sending plenty of those.

Jan 12, 2010

"Text you up in my love"

I think I'm over Madonna. I've always been a fan of her, but enough is enough. Madge has seriously been brought to my attention four separate times this week in four different headlines on various news/blog/gossip sites I frequent - and it's only Tuesday. She is 51 years old and making headlines...all the freaking time. On the one hand I'm proud of her for sustaining her stardom in these times of fleeting fads and speedy pop star rises and falls. But really honestly, I think I'm just sick of looking at her, and her arms. Here's the Madge news of the week:

1. Madonna was spotted having dinner last week with her first husband, Sean Penn. GASP! Could there be a re-kindling love flame? Does her latin boy toy Jesus Luz know she's popping around Manhattan her her sexy salt-and-pepper exes? Rumor is she and Sean dined for a few hours, what could they possibly be discussing? God forbid they be long-time friends just catching up.

2. Madonna is advising her good ole-buddy Gweneth Paltrow to divorce her husband. (Gweneth is another ego-maniac that really gets on my nerves. Exhibit A: GOOP) Supposedly, Madonna is supporting their divorce because her and Chris Martin have never gotten along because he doesn't worship her. That must feel really wierd for her, he's definitely not a keeper.

3. This week on CNN they they're airing a segments on celebrities doing good in the world. This morning, as I'm primping for my Tuesday, obviously they're focusing on Madonna. She's making a new girls school in Malawi. I absolutely do not hate on her humanitarian works. I think all celebrities should be active in charities, or at least send a check. But with Madonna, the whole thing strikes me as a somewhat self-righteous, but I'm biased against her. In the interview she says, and a truer word has never been spoken,

“My biggest asset as a human being, I would say, my resiliency and my survival skills. I mean, I'm like a cockroach. (laughs) You can't get rid of me.”

4. Again today, she's the face of another blog I love. In this instance she apparently won't stop texting (but I'm going to assume we're really dealing with "sexting") A-Rod. Really? This stupid thing isn't over yet?

While she does have some very redeeming qualities, i.e. the Malawi crusade, I think I'm ready for her to disappear for awhile. Doesn't she have a few kids and a teenage boyfriend to take care of? I'm sure also there is a gym somewhere with some free weights she hasn't gotten her hands on. I'm sure news of her menopause will hit the airwaves soon. Hopefully there will be a whole day on GOOP devoted to it. Can't wait.

PS: I'm still a weakling for all things famous. One of my BFFs lives on Madge's block in NYC. When I visited last summer I took every opportunity to spy/investigate/voyeurize. Guess I'm not that "over it."

PPS: It's just occured to me that the attention I've just paid to Madonna only perpetuates her recurrance in the media. BALLS.

Jan 11, 2010

Culinary adventures of late

Resolution fever still runs wild in my little brain. I WILL get into those 2005 jeans. On that note, I've been considering new ways to work on my diet/exercise regime to maximize my lean-ness. I've determined that there isn't a whole lot more I can do on the exercise front (not a cocky statement, there just aren't enough hours in the day), except devote more weekend time to the gym....and I actually did that yesterday, weird. As for the diet, I'm not a ridiculous eater, but there are some indulgences that I could try to cut back on. I've decided that I have three major weaknesses holding me back from total diet domination: wine, chocolate, cheese. I am as cliche as females come in this department. When distress comes my way...I seriously will lick my wounds with a dinner of Cabernet, goat cheese and truffles. That happened not too long ago. So, I'm trying some new things to spice up my diet and here are some great finds:

Sugar-free, Fat-free Jell-o pudding. This is one tasty new favorite of mine. I've found that having a batch of this whipped up in the fridge helps me get that quick sweet fix when I need it without taking part in ice cream or a baked treat. All you have to do is add milk and refrigerate. I'm really proud of myself for buying this, as I had the idea while cruising the baking aisle for a brownie mix to recreationally prepare and enjoy...all by myself. I bought this instead!

Paula Deen, we can still be friends! I came onto this recipe on foodnetwork.com, which is an excellent go-to for the novice chef. You can find just about anything you need, and so much more there. With my renewed effort to slenderize, I assumed me and my old homegirl Paula Deen - queen of cream, butter and my heart - had to breakup. No! This is White Bean Chili. It's made with chicken, spices, veggies and navy beans. There isn't a thing bad for you in the recipe! I made it for manfriend and we both slurped this tasty little find until we were stuffed (mastering portion control is still on the to-do list). Collard greens are a major aspect of it, and this was my first time to try them. Not exactly sold on them, but I feel like it was something a Southern girl should take part in at least once. Highly recommend.

I've always been adverse to canned meats of all sorts. However, I've also been trying to devise ways to prepare and pack a salad for lunch. Meat in a salad is a must for me. I also face the logistical problem of never having my shiz together in the morning enough to do the requisite chopping, chicken breast heating and dressing measuring for a fresh lunchtime salad. (Let's assume waking up earlier to give myself more time is not an option) Alas, I decided to give this canned chicken a whirl to save time. It's just lean white meat...extremely healthy choice. It was an overwhelming success. Today was the pilot run and I loved my fresh, delicious and healthy lunch. Will be doing this regularly. Brainstorming more applications.

This is my favorite new recipe of this 2010 skinniness endeavor. It's Greek Style Shrimp Scampi. It isn't the absolute most healthy thing I've tried, but the most manfriend-friendly. The shrimp is grilled and the sauce has no butter or cream, which are the pluses. The downside is that the meal has a carb element (linguine) and cheese (but I did do fat-free feta). Those bad things aside, it is super tasty and has lots of flavor, which is one of my biggest knocks on healthy foods. Try this one, but be warned it can turn out a little spicy. Maybe I'll give Rachel Ray another chance, other than this dish I find her detestable.

All in all, I'm exhilarated by my adventures and misadventures in the kitchen. I'm going to try to photograph these efforts next time, and knock out the dieting and blog upgrade resolutions in one swoop. Hello 2010, I'm ready to take you on.

Jan 8, 2010

Friday newsflash!

I have a couple little news tidbits swirling in my brain today...I think I'll just do a little highlight reel of sorts. Welcome to my consciousness on a slow day in the office. All day I've been bear hugging these items in my noggin:

This is the damn upgrade of the century. Why did it take her so long to put the backwards mullet into the closet? But some better questions may be: Why doesn't she get a decently talented person to do her extensions (so to be a little less Joe Dirt-ish)? Why doesn't she get a decently talented Photoshop person to make her hair look good? When can I become famous enough to get a whole magazine cover to debut a new haircut? That Kate Gosselin, master media wrangler, you're not fooling anyone here.

I've systematically tried to remove this short-armed, bongo-drumming, posed-beach-workout-doing, placenta-eating, embarrassment to the state of Texas, d-bag from my radar for years. But then he goes and does something irresistible like wear a UT shirt for the paparazzi and I sort of like him. You win again McConaughey. Sidenote: one of my best pals saw him at the game up close in real person. I love a good celeb sighting. I hope he did something really weird that we can talk about for years whenever his name comes up. Other sidenote: I'm not acknowledging the UT game in any other way.

Charlie Sheen v. Brook Mueller. I love crazy people. She was drunk. He came at her with a knife. She wants him back. She has this creepy past as an actual crackhead. He is Charlie Sheen. He spends new years with his also totally insane ex-wife. Nancy Grace has devoted a show to them. Please don't ever make it stop. I'm hoping for a sex tape or secret illegitimate child to come out of the woodworks next....

Ke$ha is a new to my radar. So far I heart her dance tracks. I'm hoping she becomes a staple. I love a Southern Belle turned popstar/poptart. I fear she will be sort of a one-trick pony with the infectious pop music, but I've never held that against anyone before. Her description of her own new album is reason she gets a nod today:

"A cross between Beastie Boys and a tranny with a hangover"
I may want to tattoo this onto myself somewhere so I can remember who I am if I ever lose my memory or get old and loopy.

That's all for now. I'm considering making updates about news highlights a weekly installment. Any thoughts? Is anyone even out there?

Jan 7, 2010

COLD in Dallas, warm in my little Longhorn Heart

This morning I awoke to an absolutely FRIGID morning in the Metroplex, but no matter...it's essentially a HOLIDAY in Longhorn land! Yes kids, the day is finally here, the day of the BCS National Championship! Not only to I get to pull out my gameday gear for work, which has been neatly waiting for me since the Big 12 Championship, but tonight I get the added pleasure of behaving as if it were the weekend and cheering on the best team EVER. Lately I've been a little down on the NFL...(manfriend had me totally maxed out on it during the peak of his Fantasy season)...so thank heavens college football, and the best of it I might add, is back! So Longhorn football players, I'm talking to you: eat a good breakfast, get nice and limber, get your head in the game and start preparing yourself for VICTORY! The prince and I are wearing our colors and will be supporting you wholeheartedly. TEXAS FIGHT. That's all.

On to the other news of the day: Jack Frost has descended on Dallas with a vengeance. This morning whilst workin' on my lady lumps via elliptical the newspeople alternated only between traffic and weather for the whole duration of my workout. Being the journalistic-minded lady that I am, I typically find weather stories (especially when they're the only news of the day) supremely boring...but today I can't peel my eyes off. I was idly waiting for a work-from-home day due to icy roads, but no luck there. Boo. My favorite thing about the cold so far is that I have license to wear my Uggs outside the apartment. I've had them for years and this is one of the only times I can legitimately rock them. Otherwise I feel like a major tool-bag being seen in them in Texas. The prince hates the cold. He skidded on the ice this morning and whined until I carried him back to warm cucoon that is our abode. This was taken a week ago in Lubbock...he prefers to avoid getting snow on his paws at all costs. DIVA.

Evening forecast: Longhorn Victory. Heck yes!

Tonight's forecast: -4° windchill. WTF? I honestly don't even know what that means.

Jan 5, 2010

Cowbell girl = cheap thrills

The last few days I've been drawing the short straw in life and can't really seem to get out of my funk. In 2010, I am trying to stay more positive, but the prince has fallen ill, which puts me really down in the dumps, not to mention short on cash. A pal sent me this video. Sometimes there isn't anything more soothing than the pathetic-ness of someone else. All that really helps is to see someone else feeling crappy.

I don't know if she's deep in thought or what, but she looks absolutely miserable. Isn't she supposed to be having like the best time of her life? Doesn't she know she's on TV? Isn't this Boise State's glorious comeback? The answer to all of these are yes, but she can't muster the tiniest smile. I find this a brilliant portrayal of the human condition at times. We all can be a little lacklustre and out of sync some times. Bless her little heart. Being the nasty hater that I am, this brought me immense giggles on a seriously non-preferred Tuesday. So sue me.

On another football-related note, I'm getting really pumped for the Longhorns' impending National Championship game. I keep my fingers on the pulse of Texas pride via Facebook status updates. I'm a modern lady on-the-go like that. Here's my favorite so far:

"The only Crimson Tide we fear comes every month"
I'm chuckling all over again just typing that. Anyway, HOOK EM HORNS!

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