Aug 27, 2010
 Happy Friday lovebugs! Brace yourself, today's edition was a little slapped together. I hate when my dumb job gets in the way of the things I want to do. Pout. Also, for some reason, we came out a little heavy on the bathroom humor today. Oh well, I'm not too sophisticated....

 1. Divorces are happening.  Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren's divorce was finalized this week. Supposedly she had no idea about all his tomfoolery. Give. me. a. break. I'm glad this story is (hopefully) over. I never got what was such a big deal. Rich/famous man does gross things.She'll probably get jillions of dollars and a book deal. End of story, old news.

Another shocker: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are getting a divorce, too. Supposedly he's blackmailing her with a sex tape and being the total creep that we all know he is. Oh, and she wants her humongous G-cup fake boobs out also, saying "my boobs are crushing me." I actually sort of feel bad for her. Before the age of  24, she's become a reality star, gotten married, gotten divorced, come out with a couple of singles (there is a new one, by the way), gotten addicted to plastic surgery and then got un-addicted to it. And she doesn't have an official talent. WOW. What have I ever done?

2.  New research shows that when you go #2 it's much healthier to squat, rather than sit on the toilet. Toilets give you diseases...groundbreaking. When you sit on a toilet, you're exposing to yourself to Crohn's disease, hemorrhoids and other bacteria that lead to colon cancer. Also, a squatting posture has proven to be easier on the bowels. They're even marketing a little item called "Nature's Platform" ($150) to make you bathroom experience more like using a hole in the ground. I'm told by friends that in many places in Asia they've already gone to an all-squatting system. And, the Asians beat us to most of the good ideas. This is something to ponder, I guess. My immediate reaction is that a whole American nation of squatters could be a little chaotic. Hmmmm....

3. Quote of the week:
"If he was of legal age, I said Justin Bieber has like this swag to him. You just have to meet him. He definitely has this swag to him." —Kim Kardashian on whether she could see herself dating Justin Bieber
This makes me really tense. We're all grownups that are a little too gaga for Bieber, but we're not blabbing to E! about it. I feel awkward.

4. On another blog I love, I found this:

In case you didn't read the small print, this is an ad for Summer's Eve, a product for keeping your lady parts fresh and clean. The ad is saying that to get ahead in the workplace, keep your nether region sparkly clean. It's step number 1!!!! I like to think that I'm pretty hygienic all over my body, do I deserve a raise? I think yes. Maybe I"ll show this to my boss. Weird.

5. A 45-year old British woman, Mary Bale, threw her neighbor's live cat into the trash. Here's the proof:

The cat stayed in the trash for 17 hours, when the owner heard it crying to get out. Poor little guy. There are lots of things I find odd about this. First of all, the cat didn't offend her in any way. She even petted it beforehand. Secondly, she is completely calm and composed for this act. Thirdly, she doesn't try to hide it. Later she said the whole thing was "meant as a joke." WHAT?!?!?! I really am not a cat lover, but I can imagine how furious I'd be if some random a-hole put the Prince in the trash (although that would NEVER happen, since he's so damn cute). What strange and cruel woman. I hate her.

6. This is real:

Really? Are we really that fat and lazy? I guess we'll need this if we all become squatters....

Poop squatting. Vagina soap. Toilet paper for fatties....sorry guys. It was a slow news week. This weekend  I have a SUPER fun dinner planned with friends and am looking forward to a relaxing girls weekend while manfriend is bachelor partying and NFL drafting. YES! Happy weekends!

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