Jul 27, 2010

Not responsible for acts of God.

Even more in the weekend recap category.... After the Gaga goodness was over and recovered from, Saturday morning I headed out to Lake Texoma with some buddies to boat, ski, debaucherize and go camping. I don't really have much good to say about Oklahoma. It's the longhorn in me. I despise all things from and related to the state. Lake Texoma solidified my previously unconfirmed notions of the white trashiness of the place. (Yes, this is a perhaps unfair generalization.) Nonetheless, the lake is great fun. Saturday morning we all slathered up in SPF, iced down our beers and snacks and hit the lake. After the boat was all the way in the water and we were all inside of it, we determined that the battery was dead. Not even a flicker of life in that dude. Balls. So, thanks to iPhone, we found Gary's Boat repair in Pottsboro, TX. Here's Gary: Yes, he's scary. Yes, he admitted to opening gunfire on all the "wild meth heads that come on my property and try to jack with my boats." Yes, his camo t-shirt said "MASH out Cancer." Yes, he chainsmoked for the whole hour we were there. Yes, he posts this sign at his business: I find "Acts of God" a genius scapegoat for pretty much any incident that could occur. That Gary, what a smarty pants. Hehe, Gary proved to be quite helpful, despite the fact that our pack of unsaavy and inexperienced WASPs were shaking in our little wayfarers the whole hour we were there. He got a tip. Just because he'd already referred to his guns and willingness to use them. There was also this... The boat, in a clever and punny play on words, was named "Nauti Habit." Giggles. Even better was the fact that the owner was an overweight and highly sunburt man in his 60's, enjoying the company of a much younger woman who had several synthetic body parts. I'm referring to boobs and pretty much her whole face. I love puns, especially when they're splattered all over the mid-life guilty pleasure of a neighboring vacationer. There was also copious amounts of "icing." This is where you hide a Smirnoff ice and the person who finds it has to get on one knee and slam the whole thing. This is a funny prank, but pretty much miserable if you're the target. The thing that cracks me up about "icing" is that this little trend has probably really boosted the sales of this disgusting beverage. But, humorously, the disgustingness of the item is why the prank is funny, and thus responsible for any added revenue. Here's a glimpse at the "ice" giggles: All in all the weekend was a blast. The camping was hot, and some of our groceries were forgotten at home, but we were troopers. Success. Now, I'm reading horrifying statistics about sun damage and skin cancer as punishment to myself for getting as fried as I did.

4 comments:

  1. Hilarious! The thing that kills me about the Icing thing is that I used to drink that crap and I LIKED it. I tried to drink one at a baseball game a few years ago, because I thought it would be refreshing. Wrong! Glad you had a fun weekend!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I heart Gary so much!

    Haha, although I am a proud Oklahoma State grad and we think the same thing about "those" Texans, I'll have to agree... Oklahoma is filled with some interesting country folk ;)

    Haha, I know all about self punishment for sun burns! I work for the American Cancer Society, so when I came back with a "glow" from all day slip -n- sliding with BF and co., I was greeted by several skin cancer brochures on my desk... aren't my co-workers so clever?

    hahahaha :)

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  3. Gary: "Meth heads will come around here and mess with my boats. I have shot 4 of them."

    Matt: "You shot 4 people?!?"

    Gary: "No, I have shot 10 people. I killed 4 of them."

    I'm glad we tipped him. Yikes.

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  4. Thanks for checking out my blog.

    I love your layout! And your entire page for that matter.

    It sounds like you had a fun weekend, and Gary sounds quite interesting. I don't think I'd want to be alone around him...

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for the comment! I"m sending you a big cuddly warm bearhug through the interwebs....

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