Mar 5, 2010

Friday newsflash!

This week's batch of headlines seems to be skewed toward celebrity news. I really just can't help myself.

1. The new Dancing with the Stars cast has been announced! I'm not in love with this show, but I do appreciate famous people having no choice left but to embarrass themselves for money. This is the full list and my thoughts on each:

  • Aiden Turner, miscellaneous soap star - he's hot, so I'll take him.
  • Buzz Aldrin, famous astronaut - he's way better than this show and literally 80 years old. WTF?
  • Chad Ochocino, NFL star and egomaniac - not interested
  • Erin Andrews, sports commentator - only has a job because she's beautiful
  • Evan Lysacek, olympic figure skater - seems unfair
  • Jake Pavelka, the Bachelor and a shame to Dallas - he's an idiot, i'm done with him
  • Kate Gosselin, matron of reality TV - hasn't she self-destructed enough yet?
  • Nicole Scherzinger, Pussycat Doll - didn't know she was washed up, guess it's official
  • Niecy Nash, comedienne - hilarious woman that organizes closets, can you go wrong?
  • Pamela Anderson, giant boobs - Will they have to hire the hulk to do her lifts?
  • Shannen Doherty, Brenda Walsh - Hopefully she brings her Charmed magic tricks
I may have to start watching this more regularly. Hopefully they'll do some other synergizing stunt where the winner of the show gets more reality fame. Please don't let Jake Pavelka win.

2. Lady Gaga has of course provided me the quote of the week:
"I would rather die than have my fans not see me in a pair of high heels. I'd never give up my wigs and hats for anything. You see legendary people taking out their trash, I think it's destroying showbusiness."
DIVA. This is what popstars are all about. I want to be her so bad.

3. Lindsey Lohan is writing a memoir. She's only 23 and has apparently been working on this for a while now because she "has a lot to get down." What could she possibly have to say that's so complicated? Here's my version of her would-be life story: "I did the Parent Trap. I grew boobs and landed Mean Girls. I did drugs to get skinny and become an 'it girl.' I tweeted about it. I became a lesbian for a while and tweeted about it. I had lesbian fights in the middle of Hollywood to stay relevant. I created a line of bronzer and leggings. I'm currently too busy with tweeting to act." If you can't tell, she doesn't do much for me anymore...except for Mean Girls, which on that note, I found this AWESOME nugget:

4. John Gosselin has been approached to appear in Playgirl. He has only been offered $20,000 to do the photoshoot. Levi Johnston, who actually is hot but no less of a fame bottom feeder, got 5x more than that. The Playgirl representative explained, "his star is extinguishing, and he's not very [well endowed]." This is seriously the most hilarious and succinct way to describe this man I've ever heard. I know I'm not interested in seeing him naked. The saddest part is that he doesn't have enough dignity left not to do it. I'm starting to think Playgirl just wants to support the babies who have deadbeat daddies. Where else is that child support coming from? If thats the case, go right ahead.

5. Jay-Z and Beyonce got the chance to visit the White House. This isn't real news per se, but when I came across this photo all my wildest dreams pretty much came to life. What if Beyonce (my only true love when it comes to pop stars) were the first lady? Michelle Obama is a shining bastion of glamour and sophistication, but SASHA FIERCE at the helm is just too good to be true: Here she is in the Situation Room:

6. Wednesday the District of Columbia began recognizing same sex marriages! I left this to the end because it's actual news. I love that gay marriage seems to finally be happening. I don't want to go super political on Poodleism and get into this right now, but it just makes me happy when things happen that so greatly improve people's quality of life. With this issue, dreams are literally coming true before our very eyes. I hope there is more news of this to follow! Take a look at the preciousness of these sweet newlyweds:


  1. I always enjoy the express train to crazytown that is the Friday Newsflash, but when it comes to your Erin Andrews commentary, I am offended. She is incredibly knowledgable. Her depth of insight on the art of the splitfinger fastball alone is downright inspiring. Plus, she was on the dance team at UF, so she is a perfect fit for the show.
    Good Day.

  2. I disagree with this Jake character. I find it interesting that someone who was so extremely offended over a creepster videotaping her undressing is going to allow all the creepsters of the world watch her shake her lady lumps with little more than a few sequins and some fringe to make it network TV appropriate.

  3. Mark my words.. Chad Ochocinco will win. He is very athletic and entertaining. Chad will become a crowd favorite and the ice skater will brake a nail and drop out.

    Oh and Erin Andrews rocks!

    Good Day.


Thanks for the comment! I"m sending you a big cuddly warm bearhug through the interwebs....



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