Last night me and manfriend, plus two other couples, made our way to the Dallas Stars game. Manfriend and his two buddies that came along are all ex hockey players and avid fans so they were out in full force. For me, it was my first time to see hockey, NHL or otherwise, in real life, so obviously I went into observational sponge mode. I live for little cultural experiences and chances to observe people.

First things first. I guess I sort of knew it going into the thing, but hockey games are played in giant room full of ice. I thought that since we were in the nosebleeds it would be like any other sporting event, and boy was I wrong. It was cold enough that I never removed my overcoat or scarf. I pretty much spent the whole event shivering. I couldn’t even comfortably grasp my drink to try to get on my beer jacket. Note for next time: dress as if I’m headed to Antarctica for two hours.

After the second period during halftime/intermission/two-thirds-is-over-break (or whatever you call it) they interviewed one of the players. He was ridiculously unable to speak our language…I couldn’t figure out what the deal was with this Norlandic man on the jumbotron. I later learned the NHL is swimming with Scandinavians. Who knew? Funny quip from manfriend: He observed that some extra-thug football players are even harder to understand – and English is their first language! Ha.

The Cheerleading/Whoring group for the Stars are the Planet Tan® Dallas Ice girls. These girls really didn’t do anything. They skated out and swept up the snow on the ice with bare midriffs and cleavage showing. Skating across the pristine white ice rink they were so tan it was just dumb. They also looked ridiculous. Did I mention that it’s a room full of ice? There were a small pack of them, the A-team of the bunch I presume, doing little shakes/dances between plays, but the majority of it was bouncy Hairography (Hair + Choreography), one of my biggest pet peeves of all time. They are all that is wrong with this world. Maybe I’m just still pissed about the Pear-Shaped thing.

Another funny tidbit: After the Stars score a goal they had a soundbite wherein a deep Barry White-like voice boomed through the arena, "THE WHEELS ARE OFF." I fully intend to use that in my everyday life when things get a little out of control.

All in all, I enjoyed my NHL experience. I felt right at home with the hockey moms and Joe Six Packs (the semi-rough crowd was decidedly Arian, blue-collar and extremely intoxicated, but I don’t know if I want to go there) up in the upper deck. I’ll definitely go back again, as the sport is fun to watch, but wielding a parka and some blow darts to aim at the Ice Girls.