Oct 21, 2009

Twilight.

I’m a Twi-hard and I’m proud of it. I’ve been trying to organize my thoughts about Twilight since the insemination of Poodleism. I think I’m ready to go there.

It occurs to me to write about this now because we are less than one month away from the release of New Moon, the second film installment of what I’m going to call “The Greatest Work of Fiction of Our Time.” I’m annoyed how much promotional footage has been released. I hate the spoilers, but I can’t look away. Damn that beautiful Edward face. I’ve heard that the Twilight action figures have hit Toys R Us Stores. If I didn’t have to buy food and utilities, the whole cast would be lined up in the cube cheering me through my day. It really irritates me how much they’re promoting this movie. For some ridiculous reason I still feel like Edward is still only my little secret fantasy boyfriend…diluted notion, I’m aware, but it gets me through the day sometimes. I also have a hard time separating the characters of Twilight from the real-life actors – a common mixup in the celebrity-gossip infested jungle that is my consciousness...

Recall back to my post about my cubicle. I can’t get enough Edward. But, I’ve decided that I only love Edward Cullen, not Rob Pattinson. I find R-Patz to be an annoying man-diva whose tousled hair wavers between bedroom-sexy-messy and genuinely unhygienic. That aside, Edward haunts/perverts my thoughts all day. One of my best pals, another Twi-hard (who ridiculed before I went and got all addicted …my bad), once told me that it was hard not to compare Edward with her real-life boyfriend. I totally agree. We are educated, sensible grown ups and Twilight/Edward fever has taken us over. Yeah, he’s that amazing. One part dangerous plus one part dreamy equals one whole perfect.

I detest Bella (and Kristen Stewart) with a firey fury that I really should reserve for happenings in my actual life. Bella the character is a finicky embarrassment to independent women everywhere. Kristen Stewart is an ungrateful little poptart who thinks she’s freaking Julia Roberts now. Totes over her.

Jacob (Taylor Lautner) is an ok character. He’s definitely sexy to the max, but just too pure and innocent for my taste. You’d think a werewolf would introduce an obligatory element of danger into the equation, but he bores me. What does not bore me are the rumors of Taylor Lautner/Taylor Swift romantical trysts around Hollywood. More gossip, less moral fiber please. Clearly I’m team Edward when it comes to the Twilight love triangle.

I could go on about this forever, and probably will come back to this topic as the unavoidable barrage of editorial photography hits magazines the next few weeks. The point is this: I’m so freaking excited for this movie I could just tinkle. In the meantime I’ll just be dreaming of my Edward. Judge me please…I dare you.

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